Whether you’ve been together a while or not, it’s always awkward when a guy you’re dating is way more invested in the relationship than you are. It’s not that there’s anything wrong, and you’re content enough, but he’s definitely feeling it way more than you. Here’s how to deal and find some balance if you think your relationship is worth keeping:
- Try to figure out what’s holding you back. Are you afraid because he got there first? Are you scared he’ll hurt you? Are you bored? Figuring out the potential reason for your lack of enthusiasm can help you determine if you should stay with him or ditch him.
- Appreciate his enthusiasm. We endlessly complain that guys aren’t enthusiastic enough, or that they lack emotion in our relationships. In this case, though, you’re the one acting like that! Try not to kill his enthusiasm, even if you aren’t on his level.
- Take things slowly. Maybe you were just hurt really badly, or perhaps you haven’t dated in a while. Whatever the reasons for your hesitation, don’t force yourself to pretend. You’ll end up hurting him and getting hurt yourself.
- Make an effort. You shouldn’t pretend that you’re crazy in love if you aren’t, but there’s something to be said for making an effort to change your ‘tude and try to be a bit more upbeat about your relationship. Changing your approach might be the missing link.
- Be very honest. We all lament guys that lead us on… but women are guilty, too. You should be honest with him about your tortoise approach to your relationship and tell Bugs Bunny you’re trying. If you know what’s holding you back, then tell him. If not, just ask him to be patient with you.
- Listen to your gut. If your gut is telling you he’s amazing and you don’t want to lose him, then it’s time for your heart to catch up and do the work. If your gut is telling you something is off, you need to listen to that, too. No one knows you better than you do.
- Take a step back. Maybe you guys sleep in the same bed five nights a week and that overwhelms you, or maybe the fact he shows up randomly at your job is stressing you out. If you need a little space to figure your heart out, don’t be afraid to take that space. “Space” is different than a break, though, so be careful how you approach this if you want to keep him around.
- Talk to someone you trust. Sometimes we just need to talk it out with someone who knows us and who we trust. I don’t really believe in taking other people’s dating advice, but I do think it is useful to vent. Sometimes you say things you didn’t even know you felt and it unlocks the secrets of your heart.
- Don’t be afraid. You shouldn’t stay if you aren’t totally happy, but you shouldn’t be afraid to throw inhibition to the wind and give yourself over to your relationship, either. Whatever you choose to do, be brave and just do it.
