You’ve been patient, you’ve been loving, you’ve been kind. You’ve let him get away with BS to keep the peace and you’ve tried being fierce by standing up for yourself. You can’t seem to get back that loving feeling, but you still can’t forget how perfect for each other you were just a few months ago. Maybe things aren’t worth saving, after all. Here are 9 ways you know you’ve been pushed too far in a relationship:
- Your resentment levels are constantly rising. If you feel a sinking, rageful flutter of resentment in your belly every time he strikes up a conversation with you, that’s your body telling you that you need to get outta there ASAP. Something is blocking up the system – an unresolved injustice or imbalance in the relationship that you haven’t yet forgiven. Figure out what’s going on and fix it or make a decision to move on.
- Small things that were cute are now infuriating. Remember how you used to love it when he sent you an adorable selfie during the day with a caption that read “missing you… *sad face emoji*”? When you heard your phone vibrate and saw the picture pop up, your heart skipped a beat. Now, it starts pumping for all the wrong reasons. The cute things he used to do make you angry and irritable. Your first reaction now is to carefully make sure he doesn’t see that you’ve read the message and vomited over his insipid saccharine BS.
- You roll your eyes a hundred times a day. We’ve usually out grown this response by the time we leave our teens, but it seems to come back to us like riding a bicycle when we’ve been pushed too far. Whether you’re with a friend or at home, everything he says seems to make you involuntarily roll your eyes in response. He wants to watch Netflix again? Ugh — eye roll. He’s had a bad day at work? Typical — eye roll. He loves you forever and can’t live without you? Jesus. Eye. Roll.
- His physical presence irritates you. Yes, you’re up for fun in bed and you know how to make each other tick, but when you’re just hanging out, his small physical idiosyncrasies get your back up and feel incredibly irritating. The sound of his chewing or of his jeans rubbing against the couch makes your blood boil and you’re constantly having to count down from 10 under your breath to keep yourself in check. Face it, it’s all gone too far.
- You can’t wait to spend time away from him. When your friends invite you over, you look for excuses to leave the man at home. Every time there’s a plan to meet up, you hear yourself involuntarily saying “Hey, let make it a ladies’ night.” In fact, you’ve had more than four ladies’ nights this month.
- You can’t remember the last time you said something positive about him. It takes real effort for you to compliment your partner. Actually, you can’t remember when you last had a nice word to say about him… to anyone. Even his accomplishments and positive traits feel noxious and smug somehow. What’s wrong with you? You don’t know, but you should probably find out.
- You’re angry before you even check the message. He’s written you a message — you may even be expecting him to write to you, but when his name flashes on screen, you’re already angry. You might even say, “What does he want now?” out loud. You’re in the danger zone, and it’s quite possible there’s no way back.
- You’re no longer generous with your time or emotions. In the past, you’d give him the benefit of the doubt – you easily accept that he probably didn’t mean to work late and bail on your plans – or you can forgive him staying out longer than he said he would. But that generosity is all gone now. When there’s a chance to be angry with him for a mistake he’s done, you jump on it and don’t let go.
- You feel vindicated when he gets hurt or is in the wrong. This is the ultimate sign that you’ve been pushed too far — and that your relationship may be in its death throes. You don’t revel in your partner’s pain and you don’t want them to be in any, but when something goes wrong in their lives, you feel vindicated. Whether it’s their boss giving them a hard time or their best friend leaving them out of a social event, you feel like your feelings and resentment are justified. This is a hard place to come back from. Make sure you get out before you get to this point.
