I’m bisexual and I also spend a lot of time on dating apps. One thing I’ve noticed is that straight men and queer women act very differently on them, and trying to interact with both simultaneously is harder than you’d think because of it. Of course, this is based on my personal experience and doesn’t necessarily count for everyone, but here are some of my observations.
- Queer women don’t usually want to hook up after talking for 20 minutes; straight guys very often do. I’ve gotten to the point where I can use Tinder like the Domino’s app. I send in an order and in half an hour or less, I get some sausage. This only works for men, though. When it comes to women, I need to put in more time. I’ll usually talk to them for a few days before we even exchange numbers or make plans to meet up. I don’t think that’s a bad thing—it’s probably safer, really.
- Queer women ask for your Snapchat to make sure you’re not catfishing them; straight guys ask for nudes. Sometimes, if a woman doesn’t give you her number, she’ll give you her Snapchat. While men take this as an invitation to send dick pics, queer women are usually just making sure you look like your pictures before committing to a meetup. Aside from that, it’s a better place to chat than a dating app and you can show your goofy side. It’s also easier to block you if you aren’t who you said you were.
- Queer women generally like to meet up beforehand for hookups; straight guys usually like to get right down to business. Dudes will show up at your house at any time whether they know you or not, which is probably really dangerous. Queer women are smarter than that. After talking for a few days, rather than just going to your house, we’re more likely to ask you out for a drink or coffee or dinner. This is a way to make sure you look like your pictures and aren’t actually crazy or anything.
- Queer women don’t often open with sexual comments; straight guys will tell you they like your boobs as a greeting. By far my favorite thing about queer women is that their opening line is never “nice tits.” They usually start with the standard “hey” or a maybe a compliment. Far too many times I’ve gotten a message from a random guy about wanting to have sex with me. I know some straight girls are into getting straight to the point, but many of us queer girls like to take things a little slower.
- Queer women don’t send nudes right away; straight guys seriously don’t mind. The same way we don’t jump into the sexy talk, most of us don’t send nudes straight away. One reason is that there’s a lot of potential for revenge porn, especially when you don’t know the person. There’s also the potential for being rejected based on whatever pic you sent. Plus, some guys will only ask you for nudes instead of having a conversation or wanting to meet up.
- Queer women write actual bios; straight guys tend to phone it in. We want you to know a little about us before trying to sleep with us. I’ve seen a lot of men’s profiles either not have a bio or only put their height or a weird pickup line. Queer women, on the other hand, will swipe left if you don’t have a bio. As much as we want you to know about us, we’d like to know a little bit about you.
- Queer women want to get to know you; straight guys are often content with fewer details. Wanting to know about you doesn’t stop at the bio. It’s why we will message for a few days before meeting up. We want to know what you do for a living or what your hobbies are. We want to make a connection before hooking up or maybe just want a relationship with you.
- Queer women compliment differently than straight men. Guys, I’ve noticed, tend to compliment bodies. They’ll say nice things about your boobs or butt (sometimes not in very appropriate ways), but women are more likely to compliment the things you like about yourself. Many times, I’ll get compliments on my hair or eyes or clothes or even something about my personality or interests. Straight guys usually just focus on what they want. Queer women are way better at complimenting and it’s a nice change of pace, to be honest.
- Queer women are just nicer than straight guys, in my experience. Generally when I turn guys down, they insult me because of it. They’ll call me a slut or bitch because I don’t appreciate their overly sexual advances. Women, however, seem to take rejection much better. If I’m not into them for any reason, they’ll usually say it’s OK and they get it. Sometimes they’ll even want to stay in touch and be friends. It’s probably because we understand what it’s like to be a woman on a dating app and don’t want to inflict that pain on anyone else.