I used to judge the crap out of everyone in dating, particularly online dating where I could screen folks before meeting them. I thought this was fine and that I just knew what I wanted, but I realized later that I was actually being too picky. I wasn’t allowing room for humanness and for people to surprise me. Now I’m working on being more open-minded, letting the universe work its matchmaking magic.
- I wanted someone who was perfect. I was being far too picky because I wanted someone who fit the ideal in my head of what a perfect partner for me is. I was unwilling to make room for human flaws and quirks, which can actually be some of the most endearing aspects of a person. I was blocking myself off from love by having completely unattainable standards for people to try and meet. I was also not really able to see another person for who they are because I was so focused on shallow characteristics.
- I wanted a “cool” partner. I’m a sharply dressed person and wanted a sharply dressed partner who also happened to be hip. I dreamed of taking cool Instagram pictures together and making everyone else jealous of how wonderful we looked together. This was pretty materialistic and surface-level for me, which I’m not usually. I was surprised by my shallowness when I realized it. Now I’m much more apt to be okay with someone who doesn’t have crazy style, knowing that there are many more important things.
- I said no to any “basic” people. I don’t even know what I meant by this. I guess I was judging by purely looks and maybe a bit of personality, but again it had a lot to do with how others perceived my relationship. I didn’t want to be seen dating someone who was simple because I see myself as so eclectic. This was a pretty filter to be judging people through, I’ll admit it! I’m glad I’ve rid myself of it.
- I swiped left on virtually everyone. Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of people to swipe left on in online dating land. But, I found myself swiping left for all sorts of reasons: too goofy, not sober, too athletic, not enough facial hair, the reasons went on and on. I was wondering why I was alone when I swiped left on like 98% of the people I came into online contact with.
- I wasn’t even going on many dates. I’ve heard it’s not uncommon to talk to tons of people online but only go on a handful of dates. So, that’s what was happening to me but I wasn’t even going on a handful. I was going on very few dates, especially compared to how many dang people are in the city I live in. I wasn’t giving people chances because I was judging them too harshly.
- Maybe I just wasn’t ready. All of these strict desires and filters left me wondering if I was even ready to be dating. My ideal readiness in dating includes having an open-mind, which I was clearly incapable of doing at the time. I’ve changed, though, I’m not still this way.
- Now I’m more open to people who aren’t “my type.” Perhaps someone is a little bit nerdier than I’d normally go for, but otherwise we have a lot in common—lately, I’ve been going for it. I’m more apt to give people a chance and see how it goes. This has been successful so far, I’ve met some really lovely people!
- I didn’t realize I just wanted a match who’d love me. I wasn’t thinking about what really mattered—which is someone who’s capable of being in a relationship and is emotionally available enough to love me deeply. Of course, compatibility and chemistry matter, too, but primarily my goal is to be in a relationship with someone great. They don’t have to be cool or sharp dressed to love me someday.
- There are certain things that are important. As much as I need to be open-minded enough to give people a chance, it’s still okay to be even an average amount of picky. I mean, there are certain deal breakers and red flags that are tremendously important to me. I think it’s just a matter of balance—both letting myself be a bit picky and staying open to the fact that someone may just surprise me.
- I believe that the universe is a matchmaker. I eventually stopped panicking so much and stopped trying to control everything. I’ve become more relaxed around dating, believing that the universe will ultimately match me with the right person. I don’t have to freak out and be judgemental in the process. I can just hang back and try to enjoy the ride, knowing that someday I’ll meet my person.
More Bolde Stories
People who seem incredibly confident in public but need constant reassurance from their partners ...
People who secretly hate their partners usually say these 9 phrases that sound perfectly normal i...
