Alpha females are independent, strong, charismatic, and irresistible. We’re opinionated, loud, and don’t care about other’s opinions. Being an alpha isn’t a choice; it’s an ingrained part of our personality. While some people love alpha women, many people find them loud, unfeminine, or too aggressive. Being a female alpha might look glamorous, but sometimes it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Here’s why.
- People find you intimidating. Have you ever put forward an opinion and had someone say something like, “You don’t have to be so aggressive?” Girls are “supposed” to be smiling, quiet, and submissive. So when a woman has strong opinions that are voiced “like a man,” most people find themselves intimidated or feeling like they need to defend themselves. It can be frustrating when people accuse you of being too aggressive when you are just speaking your mind.
- Men occasionally find you too independent to date. While most alpha females I’ve ever met are charismatic and fun to be around, they have a hard time finding a real date with a guy. That seems really strange because most men I know say they find strong women to be sexy. I guess even though most guys find us hot in a distant way, actually seeing one of us up close is too much to handle.
- Women can be just as unwilling. Whether we want to or not, many of us have internalized stereotypes about men and women in our minds. The stereotypical woman is not an alpha, and that can make finding dates with women even more difficult than finding dates with men. Women see an independent, opinionated, and perhaps aggressive lady and run in the other direction, seeing those qualities and inherently “male.”
- Alpha females can have a hard time being vulnerable. Alpha females are strong all of the time. It makes being weak extraordinarily difficult. We can sometimes have trouble opening up and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable. It can make relationships with lovers, friends, and even family more difficult.
- We can have a hard time asking for help. In the same vein as not wanting to be vulnerable, asking for help might be seen as a weakness by your alpha friends, whether they are male or female. They pride themselves on independence and that means going at it alone, even when the going is too tough. Even if I want to ask for help, there’s always a voice in the back of my head claiming I’ll lose my alpha card if I ever actually ask for anything.
- Long-term relationships can be harder. Especially if you have two people with really strong personalities. So, even if you find a man or woman who’s willing to date you as an alpha, it usually doesn’t work out. Someone has to be the leader in every relationship, and that just adds an additional difficulty to all of the normal problems you have just being in a relationship with anyone.
- We can sometimes put our careers or our passions before everything else. Most of the alpha women I know, including myself, are really career-driven. Alphas might have a tendency to put our jobs before love, kids, and relationships we already have. Trying to get in the way of a girl with a mission mostly just gets you steamrolled by the alpha’s stilettos.
- Female + Ambition = Socially Unacceptable. Why is it that a woman who is driven, motivated to succeed, and willing to put almost everything aside to be all she can be whatever it is that she wants to be is so bad? Society loves motivated men, so why are women so different? The sheer number of people who think less of women who give up love, kids, or just want to have a great career is really unbelievable.
- We’re either the slut or the ice queen. Have a few sexual partners, Ms. Alpha Queen? Too bad you’re a slut. Have no sexual partners because you put something else first? You’re an ice princess who thinks she’s too good for everyone. There’s seriously no winning, no matter who you end up with or what you do with your personal lives.
- We have a tendency to get bored. Whether it’s jobs, relationships, or even just reading a book, things can get boring for us alphas really quickly. There is so much world out there, and we just want to be a part of everything. That means lovers lose their thrill faster, friendships can sometimes be left behind for something more interesting, and even hobbies can get put by the wayside.
- In spite of all that, we’re still pretty awesome. We ask for raises, ask for what we want in bed and in relationships. We don’t wait very long at the bar for our drinks (that we pay for ourselves). There’s nothing in the world that can stand in the way of a determined alpha and what she really wants. And although society might frown at us, there’s nothing in the world quite like an amazing alpha lady.
