I know love makes you crazy, but while you may act a bit uncharacteristically when you’re crazy about a new partner, there’s one thing you should NEVER do: putting your life on hold for them. They probably aren’t worth it, and even if they are, your life is worth more.
- Don’t neglect your friends, responsibilities, and hobbies. I know you think that this person might come around, but in the meantime, you shouldn’t be throwing your life away. Don’t stop doing the things you love with the people you love. Don’t let those responsibilities of yours fall by the wayside. Keep living every day to the fullest and keep your life big.
- Your self-esteem is being neglected. While you’re waiting for this person, you’re also putting your self-esteem on hold. You’re neglecting yourself while putting this person on the frontline of your life. They aren’t even really there, so don’t fall prey to this pattern. Take care of yourself, making sure your self-esteem gets watered by you actually participating fully in your life.
- Be careful not to let loneliness make decisions for you. I know it’s tough when you’re lonely. You’ll do anything to feel less lonely, even hold out for someone who isn’t worth it. This holding out might give you momentary hope, but it won’t fill that hole you have in your heart. Try filling your loneliness with other things, especially friends. They won’t let you feel like you’re all by yourself for very long.
- Don’t wait up for them to call or text. Waiting by the phone is excruciating. It’s total torture. No matter how long it takes for them to call, you’re left agonizing for a period of time. Try to be unattached from the outcome; whether they call or not, either way is fine. I know it’s easier said than done, but you have to stop driving yourself mad sitting by the phone. Ideally, you don’t pick up the phone at all!
- Stop making excuses for them. Your friends keep calling you out because they know that your hangup with this person is very unhealthy. They went you to ditch them, but you find yourself making excuses for your half-hearted partner. You say that their life is just really busy, they’re in the middle of something, or that they really do care but they just get caught up in something. All of these excuses are just that—excuses. Stop making them.
- Things will never be different. The reason you’re sticking around is that you keep telling yourself that someday very soon, things are going to be different. Your person is going to become super available and all will shift in your favor. Part of you knows this is delusional but that still doesn’t keep you from daydreaming. The solution here is to get real with yourself and accept that this is just how things are.
- Look at the facts. Tangentially going off of getting real with yourself, it’s important to look at what the truth of the matter is. Likely, the facts are that your partner has left you hanging more times than you can count. They haven’t been true to their word more often than not. These aren’t fluffy ideas, these are facts of the situation. Use these to inform your decision-making.
- You’re waiting for someone who will likely never arrive. You’re looking for a person who isn’t sitting in front of you. You can’t mold the person you think you love into the one you want them to be. You’re going to wither away waiting for your dream to come true. Instead of letting this happen, why don’t you go out and find someone who can actually meet your needs?
- You deserve better than to settle. Hopefully you know your worth. You know that you deserve something good and real in a relationship. If not, I’m here to tell you! Right now you’re settling for way less than what you deserve. You’re letting yourself be treated poorly. Come on, don’t settle!
- You’re missing out on someone who’d treat you right. If you weren’t settling for someone who isn’t worth your time then perhaps you’d be finding someone who is. The space you’re holding for this person who’s only disappointed you could be used by someone who’d lift you up. Let go of the one who’s not worth waiting for and welcome in the person who won’t make you wait.
