When things are going great, sometimes it’s easy to get a little lazy in your relationship. This is especially true for guys. They put all their energy into the dating process, but when you make it official, it’s like his creative ideas and romantic gestures become a thing of the past. Here’s how to get your boyfriend to make an effort again if things are looking dire.
- Plan a scheduled date night. Every Saturday, plan to go out somewhere nice with the rule that you both dress to impress. It’s an excuse to finally wear those dresses you bought for a special occasion that have just been hiding in your closet for months. When you get the opportunity to dress the part, you both might be inspired to treat the date like a real event.
- Take his schedule seriously. You’ve probably gone through periods of time when you haven’t put in much effort either. Sometimes when we’re comfortable, our relationships are thrown to the back burner while work and home life take top priority. Or, sometimes when we’re really stressed about something, we unknowingly shut off the parts of our lives which are good. His lack of effort may have nothing to do with you and everything to do with a work deadline. Understanding that will mean so much in the long run.
- Gently talk to him about it and take control—just this once. If that’s the case, he’ll be a lot more receptive to a conversation about it. Just tell him that you know he’s been really busy but you’d love to get a chance to hang out with him one-on-one. Then, tell him that you’ll book a reservation. Getting out of his routine and spending time with you will reinvigorate him and remind him how it’s important to make time for loved ones.
- Suggest roleplaying. Maybe the effort is lost because your time together is somewhat monotonous. It’s important to always keep your dates lively. One way in doing that is pretending you’re someone else for the night. Plan to meet up at a bar under a different identity, and treat it like your first date. Sparks will definitely fly and you’ll also have a lot of fun creating a completely different persona.
- Give him some compliments. If he’s stopped putting an effort into his appearance, a simple compliment might remind him that he’s desirable. Something like “I love it when you wear cologne” may be the motivation he needs. Kind words and reminders over his old routine are a big turn-on.
- Start exercising together. It’s possible that your guy is in a rut because he’s feeling a little self-conscious about himself. By suggesting the two of you go for an afternoon run after work, you’ll check off a ton of boxes. For one, it’s time together. Two, it’s a way to share a hobby. Three, it’ll boost both of your spirits. And four, it’s a healthy way to de-stress if he’s got a lot on his plate. A little bit of fresh air may literally change his whole mindset.
- Work on your own confidence. You shouldn’t change for any guy, but if you’ve been putting off a haircut or have had the same clothes in rotation for the last five years, perhaps a change is something that’ll benefit both of you. Go out and treat yourself and your confidence will be better than ever. Not only will he notice, but he’ll be tempted to show you off.
- Don’t over-text him. If you’re too available, he’ll take that for granted. So instead of bombarding him with texts about every detail of your day, keep it a little quiet for a bit. Get him to text you first and ask you how you’ve been. It’s not necessarily a game—instead, it’s a way to remind him that he needs to put some effort into the relationship and communicate with you first.
- Remember that there’s no going back when the lack of effort turns into resentment. If this has been going on for a long time, your relationship may already be beyond repair. This guy isn’t going to completely change his ways overnight. If you’ve felt like an afterthought for months and nothing you do seems to make it better, just accept that the relationship has run its course. You deserve to be with someone who knows that relationships require maintenance and hard work throughout their entire run.
