You’ve been dating this guy for a little while now and you like him. Really, really like him. In fact, you’re pretty sure you love him and you feel so strongly about it that you just can’t hold it in and you have to tell him. Whew. The problem is, he won’t say it back. When you make your declarations and utter those three little words, he just says “Aw, thanks!” or something equally as awkward and uncomfortable. Here’s why he won’t say “I love you” back.
- He’s not sure he feels that way just yet. It’s not that he doesn’t like you. In fact, he might even like you a lot. It’s just that for many guys, saying “I love you” is a really serious thing and requires a depth of feeling that they struggle to recognize and accept. Maybe he’s never been in love before or has never told a woman he loves her so he wants to make sure it’s 100% right when he does say it. Either way, you can at least be thankful that he’s not just paying you lip service.
- He’s afraid of getting hurt. Maybe he does feel the same way about you and he knows it but he feels like by voicing it and saying “I love you,” he’s somehow jinxing himself and increasing the chances that something will go wrong and he’s going to end up hurt. This is especially likely if he’s had his heart broken in the past with someone he’s been so close to. Give him a bit of time. With a bit of care and space, he’ll get there.
- He’s not ready to live up to the seriousness of those words. He probably knows that by saying “I love you,” he’s taking your relationship to the next level of seriousness and there’s no way he can slack on being a good partner. Even if you haven’t officially defined yourself as boyfriend and girlfriend, exchanging declarations of love implies a level of seriousness that neither of you can deny. If he’s got commitment issues or freaks out easily, this could be the case.
- He doesn’t want to lead you on. Maybe he’s not saying “I love you” because he legitimately doesn’t feel that way and realizes he probably never will. Maybe your feelings are far stronger than his and he doesn’t want to be dishonest and lead you on thinking that you’re in for some big romance together. It’d be nice if he could go a bit further and tell you straight up that he’s not feeling it, but maybe he just doesn’t have the courage.
Related Stories from Bolde
- Psychology says the introverts who seem the most at peace in their 50s and 60s aren’t the ones who learned to be more social, they’re the ones who stopped apologizing for wanting a quiet Friday night and arranged the rest of their life around that
- I’m in my 60s and realized recently that the reason I’m always tired has nothing to do with my age. I’ve been running an internal monitoring system since 1974 that tracks everyone else’s moods to keep the peace, and it never shuts off.
- For years, I described my parents as loving and supportive, and that was true — but adulthood helped me see these 7 ways even caring parents can still fall short
