With the dating scene constantly evolving with factors like dating apps and technology, it’s hard to stay in the know. While many core aspects of dating have stayed the same, many dating “rules” have changed. Here are 10 ways to win the dating game once and for all.
- Learn to recognize when the relationship seems effortless on both ends. Sometimes you’ll hear that the right relationship just feels “easy.” However, even the healthiest of relationships can require a lot of work and can be challenging at times. However, you’ll hear again and again that a good relationship feels effortless, most of the time. Not because it doesn’t take effort, but because both of the partners show up and are willing to put up an effort, instead of one person single-handedly burdening all the labor of the relationship. The dating game is as much about perception as it is about action.
- Match his level of investment. If you find yourself being ignored, offer him the same in return. Your initial reaction might be to immediately reach out and try to resolve the situation. It might seem contradictory to how you might feel at the moment, but instead of picking up the phone to text him, continue living your life. The dating game should not be taking over your life. Don’t check social media and stop obsessing over what you might or might not have done to cause this, it’s not you. If someone isn’t a hell yes about you, then that’s a giant no. There’s no such thing as mixed signals in my book, he’s either into you or he’s not.
- Set boundaries from the start. Boundaries are crucial in relationships, as they define what you are comfortable with and how you would like to be treated by others. Even before a boundary is crossed, it’s important to have a discussion about what you’ll tolerate and also what you won’t. This also helps teach others how you want to be treated. Oftentimes, when we are seeking their approval and want to be liked, setting boundaries in the dating game can seem daunting. It’s important to remember that having difficult conversations and being firm in your boundaries will only “scare” off the people that aren’t meant for you, preventing you from potentially entering a toxic relationship.
- Focus forward and on yourself Instead of trying to force a connection, spend that energy working on yourself. Learn a new skill, and concentrate on your passions, continue with your hobbies. Instead of using an app, find other ways to meet people, like joining groups and social events that match your interests. You’ll be surprised how many new friends you make and you might even meet a partner that matches your interests. Be the kind of person that you’re searching for.
- Don’t Chase People Try to only choose men who choose you back from the start. If someone isn’t enthusiastic about you, take that as a sign to move on to someone that is excited about you. Someone’s indifference is an indication to let them go, it’s not an invitation to try harder.
More ways to win the dating game
- Spend time with your friends This sounds counter-intuitive, but forming friendships and a strong support network will be more beneficial for your mental health in the long run. The saying you find true love when you least expect it probably has some truth to it. So delete that dating app, stop trying to force it, and have fun with your friends instead, who knows who you will meet along the way.
- When someone tells you that they are looking for something casual, take that at face value. This is one of the most obvious ways to win the dating game. Don’t dismiss when someone tells you they don’t want a relationship and see people for how they exactly present to you, instead of their potential if you fixed them. Continuing to see them and getting wrapped up in a fantasy that you’ll be able to somehow change their mind is a fruitless endeavor. When they tell you that they aren’t looking for something serious, they are telling you directly they can’t offer what you are looking for. If your end goal is a relationship, you’ll be most likely disappointed after you waste all that time with someone unavailable, when you could have been searching for someone that matches your relationship goal.
- Decide on your wants and needs, dealbreakers, and red flags in a relationship, and then hold yourself accountable for that. Make a list of your non-negotiables before you start dating. If you meet someone whom you might not be initially attracted to, and they fit that criteria, then go for it, and give them a chance. Many times people get caught up in their own pattern of dating people that aren’t a good fit, so by knowing what your deal breakers are, you can start to notice your own patterns when it comes to finding a partner. This is a major hack that will change your dating game for sure.
- Learn to like your own solitude over everything else. When we seek a relationship because we are lonely, oftentimes it comes from a place of insecurity and trying to fill a void. Instead of dating because we’re uncomfortable being alone, work on yourself to find that validation from within yourself. Practice self-care and find ways to overcome loneliness. When we seek external validation in order to fulfill something that’s missing within ourselves, most likely we’re going to be tempted to ignore our red flags and deal breakers in order to not be alone just to avoid the fear of loneliness. At the end of the day, the dating game is only part of life. The rest is all up to you.
