Self-respect is about valuing yourself, setting boundaries, and not settling for less than you deserve. But sometimes, without even realizing it, we do things that chip away at our self-respect, leaving us feeling unworthy, disrespected, and unhappy. If you recognize any of these 15 behaviors, it’s time to make some changes.
1. You Apologize for Everything
Apologizing when you’ve made a mistake is important, but if you say “sorry” all the time—even when you’ve done something wrong—you send a message that your needs and feelings don’t matter. Constantly apologizing can make you seem insecure and like a pushover. Save your apologies for when they’re warranted, and start standing firm in your opinions and actions.
2. You Let Others Dictate Your Choices
You give away your power when you let others make decisions for you. Allowing someone else to control your choices undermines your self-respect. It’s your life, and you deserve to live it on your terms. Start trusting your judgment, dressing how you want, being who you are, and deciding what you want.
3. You Silence Your Voice
You sacrifice your self-respect when you constantly bite your tongue to keep the peace. Staying silent when you should speak up allows others to disrespect you. It’s okay to assert your opinions and set boundaries—even if others don’t like it. Your thoughts, feelings, and values are as important as anyone else; use your voice.
4. You Accept Peanuts
You deserve so much more than scraps. If you’re in a job that underpays you, put up with a friend who only calls when they need something, or have a partner who doesn’t treat you like you deserve, it sends a clear message that you don’t value yourself. Respecting yourself means walking away from situations and people who don’t recognize your worth or try to undermine it.
5. You’re a Doormat
You ruin your self-respect and act like a doormat when you always put others’ needs before your own. People will take advantage of your kindness and generosity if you let them. It’s okay to stand up for yourself, say no, and assert your own needs so others don’t walk all over you.
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- If you find yourself “explaining” your purchase to the person at the checkout counter — psychology says you aren’t being friendly, you’re reacting to a specific childhood reflex of needing to justify your own needs
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6. You Stay in Toxic Relationships
Staying in a toxic relationship because you’re afraid of being alone or out of obligation is a major blow to your self-respect. Unhealthy relationships and people (romantic and platonic) drain your energy, ruin your confidence, and keep you in a cycle of doubt, confusion, and unhappiness. Respecting yourself means knowing when to leave a person or situation that harms your happiness.
7. You Neglect Self-Care
Skipping meals, neglecting exercise, not getting enough sleep, and not taking time to relax chip away at your self-respect and physical and mental health. Taking care of your body is a form of self-respect and should be a non-negotiable part of your daily routine. Prioritize yourself and your well-being.
8. You Dismiss Your Accomplishments
You send a sign that you don’t believe in yourself if you downplay your achievements or brush off compliments. A little humility is one thing, but there is acknowledging and celebrating your hard work and successes. Start owning your accomplishments and recognizing your strengths. They are the foundation for self-confidence and self-respect.
9. You Allow Disrespect
You deserve to be treated with kindness, dignity and respect. It is damaging self-respect if you tolerate a boss who talks down to you or a friend or partner who belittles or takes advantage of you. Stand up for yourself, set boundaries, and don’t hesitate to walk away from anyone who doesn’t show you the respect you deserve.
10. You Pour from an Empty Cup
It’s okay to be selfless sometimes, but you can’t pour from an empty cup. If you always put others’ needs ahead of your own at work, home, or in your relationships, you send a message that you don’t value yourself. Stop putting yourself last. Prioritize and voice your needs, and make time for the things that bring you joy. That’s a sign of self-respect.
11. You Sacrifice Your Beliefs
Standing up for what you believe in—even when if it makes you or others uncomfortable—means respecting yourself. You undermine your self-respect when you compromise your values or go along with things when things don’t feel right. Your opinions and beliefs matter, so never compromise them to suit anyone or avoid conflict.
12. You Stay in Your Safe Lane
Not acting because you fear the unknown, failure, or being alone undermines your worth and self-respect. Whether it’s a job you hate, a relationship that’s run its course, or a city you no longer love, staying in the safe lane can take its toll on your confidence and happiness. Respecting yourself means having the courage to make changes when something no longer serves you, no matter how scary they are.
13. You Let Others Take Credit
Never let anyone take credit for your ideas, efforts, or successes. This gives away your power, and your self-respect will take a hit. You deserve recognition for your hard work, so advocate for yourself and make it known if someone tries to take the credit. When you stand up for yourself and your contributions, people respect you.
14. You Ignore Red Flags
Red flags are warning signs that something isn’t right or someone isn’t worth the time and energy. Ignoring red flags because you always want to see the best in someone or don’t won’t face the truth is a way of undermining your self-respect. Respecting yourself means listening to and honoring your inner voice and not investing in situations or people that don’t add value to your life.
15. You Settle for Good Enough
If you don’t have goals and ambitions or you do but don’t go after them, you disrespect yourself. Settling for mediocrity in your career, your relationships, or life is like telling yourself that you don’t deserve more. Aim high, push boundaries, ask questions, and have tough conversations. Limiting beliefs and self-sabotage will stop you from following and achieving your passions.
Related Stories from Bolde
- I’m 70, and I used to be proud that my hard childhood made me unbreakable — no comfort when I cried, no dinner until the chores were done, and more work when I complained — then I noticed the same hardness that made me strong is why I can’t let anyone all the way in
- If you find yourself “explaining” your purchase to the person at the checkout counter — psychology says you aren’t being friendly, you’re reacting to a specific childhood reflex of needing to justify your own needs
- Psychology says people who optimize their sleep, their habits, and their time often quietly forget what a genuinely good day even feels like, because the dashboard records what they tell it to and never notices what’s gone missing
