13 Reasons Narcissists And Gaslighters Need Praise From Strangers

Narcissists and gaslighters often need praise from strangers. It can be puzzling, especially when you consider that they don’t seem to care much about how their actions affect others. Yet, this need for outside validation is deeply rooted in the ways they handle their own insecurities and perceptions of self-worth. This list breaks down the reasons behind this behavior in a way that might make you rethink that overly confident person in your life. By understanding these motivations, you might find it easier to navigate interactions with them.

1. Validation Of A Grandiose Self-Image

For narcissists, the need for praise from strangers often stems from a desire to validate their grandiose self-image. They picture themselves as exceptional and seek out confirmation from external sources to reinforce this perception. Dr. Craig Malkin, a psychologist and lecturer at Harvard Medical School, explains that narcissists often require feedback from others to maintain their inflated self-worth. Without this, they might feel their constructed self-image is at risk of crumbling. Strangers serve as an unbiased audience, providing the objective feedback that narcissists crave.

Gaslighters share a similar need for external validation, using praise from strangers to bolster their self-esteem. This need often reflects a deep-seated insecurity that they try to mask with manipulation and control. By collecting praise from strangers, they can temporarily soothe their insecurities and reinforce their perceived superiority. The approval of strangers can feel more genuine because these individuals aren’t privy to the gaslighter’s manipulative behaviors. As a result, they seek out this type of feedback as a way to further solidify their self-worth.

2. Reinforcement Of Control

Gaslighters, in particular, use praise from strangers as a way to reinforce their sense of control. Manipulation involves creating a carefully constructed narrative in which they appear superior or in charge. When strangers reflect back this narrative in the form of praise, it reassures the gaslighter that their manipulations are successful. It’s a way to ensure that their version of reality is not only accepted but admired. This external affirmation strengthens their belief that they can shape perceptions to suit their needs.

For narcissists, praise is also about maintaining control, but it’s more centered on controlling their self-image. They want to dictate how they are perceived, and the feedback from strangers helps them set the narrative. This control over external perceptions is crucial for them to maintain their grandiose image. It becomes a cycle where the need for control fuels the need for praise, which in turn reinforces their need for control. The more they receive praise, the more secure they feel in their dominance over how others see them.

3. A Buffer Against Criticism

Praise from strangers can serve as a buffer against criticism, which narcissists find particularly hard to handle. They have fragile egos that can’t easily withstand negative feedback, so they seek out positive affirmation as a preemptive defense. According to Dr. W. Keith Campbell, a psychology professor at the University of Georgia, narcissists often use this strategy to avoid confronting their own flaws. By surrounding themselves with admirers, they can dodge critical feedback that challenges their self-image. This praise acts like a shield, making it easier for them to ignore any dissenting voices.

Gaslighters, too, use praise as a way to deflect criticism, but for them, it also serves to validate their manipulative tactics. When a stranger praises them, it can feel like proof that their deceitful behavior is justified or goes unnoticed. This outside approval makes it easier for them to brush off criticism from those closer to them, who may see through their manipulations. The praise provides a false sense of security, suggesting that their version of the truth is the one accepted by others. It’s a comfort zone that allows them to avoid facing the negative aspects of their behavior.

4. The Need To Stand Out

Narcissists and gaslighters alike have an overwhelming desire to stand out from the crowd. For narcissists, this need is tied to their belief that they are special and deserve recognition above others. They want to be seen as unique and exceptional, and praise from strangers helps fulfill this craving. The feedback from outsiders confirms that they are indeed standing out in the way they believe they should. It’s an ongoing quest for them to be the center of attention, where they feel most comfortable.

Gaslighters, while also driven by the need to stand out, use this as a tactic to lure in victims. By receiving praise, they craft an image of charm and charisma that makes others gravitate toward them. This attention helps them appear more genuine and trustworthy, which is crucial for their manipulative strategies. The admiration of strangers allows them to create an appealing facade that can make their victims doubt their own perceptions. In essence, standing out becomes a tool for both validation and manipulation.

5. Filling An Emotional Void

Both narcissists and gaslighters often have an emotional void that they try to fill with external praise. This void might stem from unmet emotional needs in their past or an inability to self-soothe effectively. According to Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist, many people with narcissistic tendencies have experienced some form of neglect or deprivation in their formative years. They turn to strangers for praise as a way to fill these emotional gaps. The approval acts as a temporary balm for their emotional wounds, however fleeting it might be.

Gaslighters, too, experience a similar emptiness but in a more complex way that involves control and manipulation. They might not be consciously aware of it, but the praise serves to momentarily fill the void left by their inability to form genuine emotional connections. The admiration from outsiders offers the illusion of acceptance and love that they find hard to sustain in more intimate relationships. This temporary fix can make them feel whole, even if just for a moment. It’s a superficial solution to a deep-seated problem that they rarely address directly.

6. Defense Against Vulnerability

For narcissists, praise from strangers helps them stave off feelings of vulnerability. They often equate vulnerability with weakness and will do anything to avoid feeling exposed. The approval of strangers provides a buffer that keeps these uncomfortable emotions at bay. By constantly receiving praise, they can maintain a facade of invulnerability and strength. It creates an illusion that they are self-sufficient and not reliant on anyone else’s opinions for their self-worth.

Gaslighters share this aversion to vulnerability, but they often use praise as a tool to keep others vulnerable instead. By accruing praise, they can maintain a position of power that allows them to exploit others’ vulnerabilities. They manipulate perceptions to ensure that they remain in control, using the admiration of strangers to reinforce their dominant position. This dynamic allows them to avoid facing their own vulnerabilities while keeping others in a position of dependency. It’s a calculated tactic to ensure that they remain the ones in control.

7. A Need For Superiority

The need for praise from strangers often ties back to a desire for superiority in both narcissists and gaslighters. Narcissists thrive on the notion that they are better than those around them, and external validation helps reinforce this belief. According to Dr. Jean Twenge, a psychology professor at San Diego State University, narcissists often exhibit a heightened sense of entitlement and superiority. The praise from strangers serves to confirm their self-perceived status, making them feel validated in their superiority complex. It’s a cycle that feeds their need to feel above those around them.

Gaslighters use the need for superiority as a tactic to manipulate and control. By acquiring praise, they create an image of someone worth admiring, which can make others feel inferior in comparison. This dynamic allows them to exert control over their victims, who might believe they are lucky to be associated with someone so admired. The praise from strangers serves as a tool to maintain this imbalance. It provides a constant stream of validation that they use to keep others in check.

8. Avoidance Of Self-Reflection

Narcissists often avoid self-reflection, as it might reveal truths about themselves that they are not ready to face. Praise from strangers allows them to focus on external validation rather than confronting internal issues. By constantly seeking out admiration, they can divert attention away from personal shortcomings. This avoidance becomes a coping mechanism to maintain their idealized self-image. The more they focus on external praise, the less they have to deal with the discomfort of self-reflection.

Gaslighters use praise as a way to avoid self-reflection, but it’s more about maintaining the facade they’ve created. Self-reflection could lead to acknowledging the manipulation and deceit they employ, which threatens their carefully constructed image. By leaning on praise from strangers, they validate their actions as successful and justified. This praise helps them maintain the illusion that they are in the right, reinforcing their narrative. It’s a calculated avoidance that helps them keep their manipulative tactics in place.

9. Social Approval

Social approval is a significant motivator for both narcissists and gaslighters. For narcissists, the need for social approval ties back to their desire to be seen as exceptional in the eyes of others. They seek out praise from strangers as a form of social proof, which reinforces their elevated self-perception. This external validation makes them feel more accepted and admired, which is crucial for their self-esteem. The approval serves as a confirmation that they are living up to the standards they have set for themselves.

Gaslighters seek social approval as a way to legitimize their actions and maintain control over others. The praise they receive from strangers helps create a narrative that they are charming and likable individuals. This can make it harder for their victims to question their behavior, as the social approval acts as a form of credibility. It’s a way of securing their position in social hierarchies, ensuring that their reputation remains untarnished. The praise becomes a tool to manipulate social perceptions in their favor.

10. External Motivation

Narcissists often rely on external motivation to drive their ambitions and validate their efforts. Praise from strangers acts as a powerful motivator, pushing them to pursue their goals with vigor. They view this external validation as a sign that they are on the right path, which fuels their desire to achieve more. This motivation can become a cycle where the more they are praised, the more they feel compelled to succeed. It’s an ongoing quest for achievement that is largely driven by how others perceive them.

Gaslighters also use external motivation to validate their manipulative strategies. The praise they receive serves as proof that their tactics are effective, which encourages them to continue. This external motivation reinforces their belief that they are in control and on the right track. It makes them feel accomplished in their deceit, driving them to further refine their manipulative schemes. The praise acts as a constant reminder that their efforts are paying off, validating their approach.

11. Escaping Reality

Both narcissists and gaslighters use praise from strangers as a way to escape reality. For narcissists, this escape allows them to live in the fantasy world they’ve created, where they are the best and most important. The praise acts as a confirmation that this fantasy is real, allowing them to ignore the harsher truths about themselves. It’s a form of escapism that provides a temporary refuge from the complexities of real life. By focusing on the praise, they can maintain the illusion that everything is as they wish it to be.

Gaslighters, on the other hand, use praise to escape the reality of their deceptive behaviors. The admiration they receive helps them overlook the manipulative tactics they employ, allowing them to maintain their image of innocence. This escape from reality makes it easier to continue their deceit without facing the moral implications. The praise acts as a buffer that prevents them from confronting the truth of their actions. It’s a way to live in a world where their manipulations are justified and effective.

12. Creating A Positive Image

Narcissists are often obsessed with creating and maintaining a positive image, both in their own eyes and in the eyes of others. Praise from strangers plays a crucial role in this image-building process, serving as evidence that they are living up to their ideal self. This external validation helps them construct a persona that aligns with their grandiose self-perception. The praise acts as a continuous reminder that they are succeeding in projecting the image they desire. It’s a constant effort to ensure that they are seen in the best possible light.

Gaslighters also focus on creating a positive image, but their motivations are more strategic. They use praise to craft an image of reliability and charm, which makes it easier to manipulate those around them. The external validation reinforces their facade, making it harder for others to see through their deceit. By maintaining this positive image, they can better control how they are perceived, which is crucial for their manipulative tactics. The praise becomes a tool to ensure that their cunning strategies remain effective.

13. Maintaining A Sense Of Entitlement

For narcissists, maintaining a sense of entitlement is essential, and praise from strangers helps fortify this belief. They feel deserving of admiration and special treatment, and external validation reinforces this mindset. This praise acts as a reminder that their perceived superiority is recognized by others, fueling their entitled attitude. It creates a feedback loop where the more they are praised, the more entitled they feel, perpetuating the cycle. This sense of entitlement becomes a core part of their identity, reinforced by the admiration they actively seek.

Gaslighters use praise to maintain a sense of entitlement as well, but their approach is often more manipulative. The external validation they receive helps justify their actions and supports their belief that they deserve to be in control. This entitlement allows them to manipulate others without feeling guilt, as they believe their actions are warranted. Praise serves as a constant reminder that their tactics are successful, reinforcing their sense of superiority. It’s a calculated effort to ensure that they remain in a position of power, justified by the admiration of strangers.