We all know this person. You start telling them about your promotion and somehow end up hearing about their career for twenty minutes. You mention you’re going through a hard time, and they pivot to their own struggles. Every conversation becomes their monologue, and you leave feeling drained, unheard, and wondering why you bother. This friend isn’t necessarily a bad person—they may not even realize they’re doing it. But the pattern is exhausting, and you need strategies that actually work. Here’s how.
1. Recognize What You’re Actually Dealing With
There’s a name for this: conversational narcissism. Sociologist Charles Derber coined the term to describe people who consistently dominate conversations and steer them back to themselves, often failing to truly listen to others. It’s not the same as having Narcissistic Personality Disorder—most conversational narcissists don’t have a clinical condition. They’ve just developed a habit of centering themselves.
Understanding this helps because it shifts your perspective. Your friend isn’t necessarily trying to hurt you or dismiss your experiences. They may be anxious, insecure, or simply never learned how to have a balanced conversation. That doesn’t make it okay, but it does help you respond strategically rather than emotionally.
2. Understand Why They Do It
According to licensed psychologist Ramani Durvasula, some conversational narcissists are actually very anxious, so they bind their anxiety by talking about what is familiar to them—which is themselves. Others are agenda-driven, eager to make their point without taking time for genuine connection. And some simply lack the emotional intelligence to recognize that conversations are supposed to be two-way exchanges.
Someone who’s anxious might respond well to gentle redirection. Someone who’s fundamentally self-absorbed might require firmer boundaries. And someone who genuinely doesn’t realize they’re doing it might benefit from direct feedback. Knowing what’s driving the behavior helps you choose the right tool.
3. Stop Waiting For Your Turn
If you keep waiting for a natural pause to share your thoughts, you’ll be waiting forever. Conversational narcissists don’t leave openings the way balanced conversationalists do. They fill every gap with more of themselves. You have to learn to insert yourself into the conversation rather than hoping they’ll eventually ask about you.
This doesn’t mean being rude or interrupting aggressively. It means using phrases like “I have a few thoughts on that too” or “That reminds me of something I’ve been dealing with” to redirect without creating conflict. You’re not stealing the spotlight—you’re claiming the space that should have been offered to you in the first place.
4. Use The “I Need Advice” Technique
Behavioral scientists and communication experts have found that asking a direct question can force a conversational narcissist to stay on topic. Instead of sharing your experience and hoping they’ll engage with it, frame it as a request for their input. “I’m trying to figure out what to do about this situation—what would you do?” The question format prompts them to respond to you rather than redirect.
This works because it appeals to something conversational narcissists actually enjoy: being the expert. They get to talk—which they want—but they have to talk about your situation rather than their own. It’s a workaround that gets you heard.
5. Set Time Limits On Your Exposure
Therapist Wendy Behary suggests that when you know someone has conversational narcissist tendencies, you should set limits on your exposure to them. You don’t have to cut them off entirely, but you can be strategic about how much time you spend together and in what contexts. Short interactions are more manageable than long ones.
This might mean meeting for coffee instead of dinner, or suggesting a walk where the activity provides natural breaks in conversation. It’s not about punishing them—it’s about protecting yourself. You can maintain the friendship while acknowledging that it works better in smaller doses.
6. Call It Out Directly (But Kindly)
Research on high-quality friendships shows that they’re characterized by reciprocity and equality. When one person consistently dominates, those pillars collapse. Sometimes the only way forward is to name what’s happening. You might say something like, “I’ve noticed that our conversations often end up being mostly about you, and I’d love for us to have more balanced exchanges.”
This is uncomfortable, but it’s often the most effective approach. Many conversational narcissists genuinely don’t realize they’re doing it. They think they’re being engaging and interesting, not monopolizing. Direct feedback—delivered without accusation—gives them information they may never have received before. How they respond tells you a lot about whether the friendship is worth maintaining.
7. Don’t Feed The Behavior
Every time you nod along, ask follow-up questions about their life, and let them dominate without pushback, you’re reinforcing the pattern. You’re teaching them that this dynamic works and that you’ll tolerate it indefinitely. If you want things to change, you have to stop being such a good audience.
This doesn’t mean being cold or withholding. It means not excessively praising their self-focused talk or consistently giving them the attention they seek when they dominate discussions. When they redirect to themselves, don’t enthusiastically engage. Keep your responses brief and try to steer back to a more balanced exchange.
8. Practice Strategic Interruption
Interrupting feels rude, and for most people, it is. But with a conversational narcissist, it may be the only way to participate. The key is to do it tactfully—not to cut them off aggressively, but to gently insert yourself when they pause for breath. “Sorry to jump in, but I wanted to share something related” is a perfectly reasonable way to claim space.
Think of it as self-advocacy rather than rudeness. They’ve been interrupting you implicitly by never leaving room for your contributions. You’re just making explicit what balanced conversation requires: taking turns. If they seem offended, that’s information about how invested they are in maintaining the current dynamic.
9. Find Topics That Interest Both Of You
One strategy for creating more balanced conversations is to find subjects of mutual interest that encourage more equitable exchange. Shared interests serve as neutral ground where both people can contribute.
This might require some experimentation. What topics bring out their curiosity? What subjects make them actually ask questions? Steering toward these areas won’t fix the underlying pattern, but it can make individual conversations more bearable.
10. Manage Your Own Expectations
Some friendships have limitations, and accepting that can reduce your frustration. This person may never be the friend you call when you need to process something difficult. They may never be the one who checks in on you or remembers the details of your life. That’s genuinely sad, but it’s also useful information.
You can choose to keep them in your life in a limited capacity—the friend you see at parties, the friend you do specific activities with, the friend you enjoy in small doses. What you can’t do is keep expecting them to be something they’re not and then feel hurt when they disappoint you.
11. Cultivate Other Friendships
If you’re pouring all your social energy into someone who never reciprocates, you’re going to feel depleted. One of the best things you can do is invest in friendships where the exchange actually goes both ways. The contrast will be clarifying—and it will make the self-centered friend’s behavior easier to tolerate because they won’t be your only source of connection.
No single friendship should carry the entire weight of your social and emotional needs. When you have multiple people in your life who actually listen to you, the friend who doesn’t becomes less central and less painful.
12. Know When To Take A Break
If direct communication hasn’t worked and you’re feeling increasingly drained, it may be time to create some distance. This doesn’t have to be a dramatic confrontation—you can simply become less available, respond more slowly, and stop being the one who initiates plans. Sometimes people only recognize what they’ve lost when it’s gone.
After some time apart, you’ll have a better sense of whether you actually miss this person or just miss the idea of the friendship. If you realize you feel lighter without them, that tells you something important about whether the relationship is worth continuing.
13. Don’t Blame Yourself For The Imbalance
When you’re in a one-sided friendship, it’s easy to wonder what you’re doing wrong. Maybe if you were more interesting, they’d want to hear about your life. Maybe if you spoke up more, they’d make room for you. This kind of thinking puts the responsibility on you for someone else’s behavior—and that’s not fair.
Balanced friendships happen naturally when both people are invested in each other. If you’re constantly working to be heard, the problem isn’t your communication skills. It’s the dynamic itself. You deserve relationships where your presence is valued, not just tolerated.
14. Decide What The Friendship Is Actually Worth
At some point, you have to ask yourself: What are you getting from this relationship, and what is it costing you? Some friendships are worth the effort of managing a difficult dynamic. Others have become so draining that they’re no longer serving you. Only you can make that calculation.
If you decide to stay, do it with clear eyes about what the friendship can and can’t provide. If you decide to step back, do it without guilt. You’re not obligated to maintain relationships that consistently leave you feeling worse. The friend who makes everything about themselves may never change—but you can change how much space you give them in your life.
