I feel like I’ve dated every kind of bad guy under the sun. I’ve dated guys who were dating multiple other women on the side, only wanted sex, and lied about being single. I’ve been ghosted, benched, breadcrumbed, and zombied. You name it, I’ve dated it. I’m absolutely exhausted and I don’t have the energy for these bozos anymore. There are plenty of better things I’d rather be doing:
- Spend an entire weekend in my pajamas drinking wine There’s no better feeling than bra-less weekends in my comfiest pajamas sipping on a glass of glorious vino and completely unaware of the bad guy I’m (not) missing out on. Sitting on my couch in pure comfort trumps sitting across a table from yet another player.
- Eat an entire pizza in one sitting… then regret it immediately The pizza delivery guy is a man that I can always count on. I simply tell him my wishes and he turns them into a convenient reality by showing up at my door. The best part is I don’t even have to share my pizza, and he doesn’t judge me for answering the door in my unicorn pajamas. Sure, I might be writhing in bloated agony afterward, but it sure as hell beats putting my kindness and energy into another idiot who doesn’t appreciate me.
- Adopt ALL the cats I couldn’t care less about the cat lady jokes. Cats are seriously the best. They’re independent AF, but they snuggle up to you when you need it the most. I’d choose becoming a crazy cat lady with an army of cute four-legged monsters over dating another idiot who treats me like crap.
- Watch Barbara Streisand biographies all day I mean, she’s probably had a fascinating life, right? Just about anything would be preferable to going out with one more guy who treats me wrong.
- Listen to the Taylor Swift in my underwear Taylor has literally built her career based on all of the jerks she’s encountered, and if you think about it, it’s pretty damn smart way to get back at those regrettable guys she’s dated. I’d much rather listen to her sing about her long list of ex-lovers than add another one to my list.
- Lie in my bed all day long I don’t even need to be doing anything. I could lie there all day and make up constellations from the popcorn splatter on my ceilings and still be happier than I would be dealing with another dude’s nonsense.
- Work overtime Making a crap ton of money and staying at the office late every single day doesn’t sound too bad, actually. At least my employer credits me for my efforts, unlike any of the bad guy I’ve ever dated.
- Send flowers to myself I don’t need a guy to buy me flowers; I can buy them myself. I’d send them to myself at the office since, as I mentioned before, I’ll be spending more time there. “To: me. Love: me.” Aww, I’m so thoughtful.
- Spend an entire day comparing sex toys online I don’t need a guy around to satisfy my urges. Sure, I could have a random Tinder hookup with some man who doesn’t value me as a person, or I could spend hours comparing the latest vibrators online before I make the perfect purchase. Who needs a crappy boyfriend when I can have multiple orgasms instead?
- Paint my apartment and then watch the paint dry I would literally rather embark on the boring task of painting my apartment instead of spending another hour with some dude who doesn’t care about me. I’d spend hours taping the surfaces and painting away my troubles before sitting on the floor in my underwear. Then, bottle of wine in hand and Taylor Swift blasting in the background, I’d watch every inch of the paint dry. It would still be better than dating one more bad guy.
- Bake everything on my Pinterest boards… and fail miserably I may set off the smoke alarm, get food coloring all over my walls, and cry in the process, but it would still be much sweeter than finding out that the guy I’m dating is also dating three other girls. I’d rather be a Pinterest failure than a player victim.
- Focus on myself I’m living life for myself, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. I’m not perfect, but I know I deserve better than the guys I’ve dated in the past. I’m not worried about finding someone new; I’d much rather give myself the love and attention I need.
