A Guy Reveals Why He Goes Flaccid During Sex And What To Do About It

The mechanics of sex aren’t always straightforward no matter how much of it you’ve had and how good at it you are. For instance, it’s sometimes possible for men to lose their erections during sex without warning. Obviously, this is far from ideal and can be quite frustrating for both partners. The best thing to do is to understand why it’s happening and what can be done about it. Here are some possible reasons guys go flaccid during sex and how to handle it.

  1. He’s nervous. Performance anxiety is a thing. Some guys feel a lot of pressure to perform in bed, and that pressure can get the best of us sometimes, causing us to lose our erection. With some guys, this can become a regular occurrence. However, it’s far more common when sleeping with someone for the first time because there isn’t a lot of familiarity with the other person.
  2. He drank too much. Chronic alcoholism can lead to consistent problems with erectile dysfunction, but a substantial amount of drinking in a short period of time can also cause an affliction that’s frequently referred to as “whiskey d**k.” Remember that alcohol is a depressant, which means it depresses certain bodily functions. This can make it more challenging for blood to flow to the right places so that a guy can get and keep an erection. This is one of the biggest reasons guys go flaccid when things are hot and heavy.
  3. He has health issues. There are certain health issues that can cause erectile dysfunction, which isn’t always the inability to get an erection but having difficulty keeping one as well. Unfortunately, guys don’t always know that they have a medical problem that can cause ED. Something as simple as a poor diet or obesity can contribute to ED. Taking various drugs, including antidepressants, could also explain why a guy gets hard but loses his erection at a bad time.
  4. He’s experiencing mental health issues. Things like depression, anxiety, stress, and low self-esteem can all play a role in erectile dysfunction. Don’t forget that there is an emotional element to sex, which means a guy’s psychological health can hinder him in the bedroom.
  5. He’s not interested in you. In this instance, it’s more emotional than physical. A guy might be attracted to you physically, but if he’s not feeling it emotionally, his penis might let him know by failing him at an inopportune moment. In a way, he’s almost going soft out of guilt because he doesn’t want to lead you on. However, you shouldn’t jump to conclusions and assume this is the reason a guy goes flaccid.
  6. He watches too much porn. First of all, it’s hard to find a guy who doesn’t watch porn. That being said, it’s possible to watch too much of it. There are studies that suggest watching too much porn can lead to sexual dysfunction in men. After all, watching sex and having it are two different things. If he watches too much, it can change the way a guy responds to sexual stimulants and gets aroused. It’s not necessarily that he prefers porn to the real thing, but his body may not respond to sex the way it should, which could cause him to lose his erection during sex. So how do you handle all of these things?
  7. Relax. What should you do when a guy loses an erection during sex? First, you should try to relax and stay calm. Also, don’t jump to conclusions about why it happened. Even under ideal circumstances, these things can happen, so try not to get mad or assume there is a serious problem that’s causing it. Try taking a little bit of a break and then try again later to see if you have better luck.
  8. Don’t play the blame game. I assure you that getting upset and playing the blame game isn’t going to help anybody get and keep an erection. A guy shouldn’t blame his partner any more than a woman should blame her partner. As I said, these things happen sometimes and it isn’t always somebody’s fault. Blaming the other person will just add stress and anxiety to the situation, neither of which will help.
  9. Try other things. Obviously, a guy losing his erection during sex was not part of the plan. But it doesn’t have to derail the whole experience. Try doing other things in bed and enjoying each other in different ways. Perhaps that can help both people to relax and not put so much pressure on the guy to get another erection. If you stop thinking about it so much, that can be the remedy to a guy going flaccid.
  10. Visit a doctor. Of course, if this becomes a regular occurrence, it might become necessary to visit a doctor. As mentioned, there are plenty of medical explanations for why he might lose his erection. Some are related to a person’s physical or mental health. Seeing a doctor will be an important step in getting to the root cause of the problem. From a guy’s perspective, it might be easier if his partner accompanies him to the doctor to help talk about the problem and show support.
Bryan Zarpentine graduated from Syracuse University and lives in upstate New York, where he writes largely about the world of sports. His work has appeared on Franchise Sports and WSN, among others. You can find him on Twitter @BZarp.