We’re all human beings, bound to inevitably make some mistakes and hurt some feelings while we’re figuring out this whole life thing. Just remember this: being human and making mistakes doesn’t give a guy the lease to be a total jerk without consequence. Don’t accept the BS. If he’s a repeat offender of these bad behaviors, it’s time to GTFO.
- NOT TEXTING YOU BACK Repeat after me: It’s not crazy to expect a text back from a guy you’re seeing. I don’t care if he’s not your boyfriend—if you guys are “hanging out” or bonking on the reg, dude can use ten seconds of his precious time to reply to your text message. If he’s repeatedly ignoring your texts and giving you the “I’m just really busy!” excuse, kick that loser to the curb.
- CANCELLING PLANS I get it—life happens. I’d be lying if I told you I haven’t been known to cancel a plan or two myself. Having your car break down because you waited too long between oil changes is a real thing (ladies, change your oil). However, if a dude is constantly canceling plans with you, is he even worth it? I can’t hear you, but I’m hoping your answer is a resounding “hell, no.”
- THE 2 a.m. “U UP?” TEXT Nothing irks me more than the 2 a.m. booty call text. It’s like something you’d see in National Geographic; he’s the hairy, horny, terror-inducing insect performing some kind of ritualistic mating dance around an obviously uncomfortable and likely very sleepy you. All you want is sleep and all he wants is sex. Seriously, where was he when you hit him up earlier in the day? MIA? That’s what I thought.
- TREATING YOU LIKE A GOOD TIME You’re a total catch—intelligent, funny, creative, beautiful, fun… the whole shebang. So, why does he only seem to appreciate your drunken antics or under-the-covers talent? Letting some guy waste your time by using you for sex and fun is a cardinal sin. You have so much more to offer than a good time to some jerkbag who doesn’t appreciate you for all that you are. Move on.
- BEING A STRAIGHT UP DOUCHE Listen, I’ve made about a gazillion excuses for guys who were immensely underserving. I’ve used them all: He’s just having a hard time right now. His job is stressing him out. He’s going through some family stuff that he doesn’t want to talk about. He doesn’t like to text. He just got out of a bad relationship three years ago so he’s not ready for anything official. Hey, I’m all about giving a guy the benefit of the doubt, but you have to draw the line somewhere. If the guy you’re into always has some sort of an excuse for his bad behavior but never does a damn thing to change or make it up to you, jump ship. Excuses are for douches.
- MAKING TASTELESS “JOKES” I’m not talking about fart jokes (because, honestly, a well-executed fart joke is nothing short of a masterpiece). I’m talking about the kind of jokes that seem to slip out of his mouth all too easily when he’s around his bros. You know that type of joke. It leaves you sweating and squirming in your seat, stuck between wanting desperately to disappear and launching into a 12-minute rant on misogyny and civil rights and the human condition. You’re a smart woman with zero tolerance for intolerance. If he turns into a wanna-be standup around his friends, spouting hateful rhetoric and passing it off as a joke, that’s a dealbreaker.
- DISRESPECTING YOUR FAM & FRIENDS It’s completely reasonable for you to vent to the guy you’re seeing about an annoying thing your friend did or something your mom said that pissed you off. However, it’s completely unacceptable for that guy to abuse your trust by taking an unfavorable situation with one of your loved ones as an opportunity to talk crap about them. You’re allowed to say that your BFF can be kind of a bitch (hey, you’ve told her yourself), but this dude needs to watch his mouth.
- FORGETTING THE IMPORTANT THINGS Your birthday, your middle name, your severe peanut allergy: these are all important things that a guy you’ve been seeing for any amount of time should be committing to memory. Obviously, don’t expect him to have your life story memorized within a week, but if your birthday rolls around and the guy you’ve been kind-of seeing for a few months is silent, that’s a red flag telling you to GTFO.
- NOT LISTENING TO YOU We’ve all definitely zoned out in the middle of a friend’s rant about her bitchy coworker, but there’s a difference in getting lost in an overload of information and blatantly ignoring someone. If a guy isn’t making an effort to listen and hear your opinions, concerns, needs, or thoughts on what constitutes a sandwich (hotdogs are NOT sandwiches), tell him to open his ears before you open the door to greener pastures.
