I Act Tough, But Secretly I’d Like To Find Love

I’ve always been a bit sarcastic and dry. It’s hard for me to open up and admit that I’m a closet hopeless romantic. I’m definitely cool with being single, but at the same time, I definitely wouldn’t turn my soulmate away if he came around. This is why I hold back from actually looking for love:

  1. I act cool but I’m a softie at heart. I have to protect myself because I haven’t in the past. I went all in with guys who didn’t treat my heart with the respect it deserves. Now, I’m very particular about who I open up with and it takes me a while. Once someone breaks through, they’re gonna get all the romance they can handle. I love doing mushy stuff for my guy!
  2. I act cynical because I’m scared of getting hurt. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a complex lady. I really am super easygoing and chill and I don’t care about grand, showy romantic gestures. I’m not into traditional ideas of romance and marriage and all that jazz. What I don’t often tell anyone is that I do want a deep emotional connection with a special guy who truly understands and accepts me. It takes me a long time to reveal that about myself.
  3. I hate rejection so I don’t like to date, but I do want love.  Obviously, this is a problem. If a guy tells me he’s not into me, I’ll act super cool about it. I won’t chew him out or get upset. I let it go. I can’t make someone like me, but the rejection still stings a bit. I try very hard not to take it personally, but it seems easier not to date at all. On the other hand, I’ll never find love that way! My tough attitude kills my prospects.
  4. I’m strong but I’m still human. I can be independent and capable and perfectly fine on my own but still want a partner to share in my life. Yes, sometimes it’s a struggle to decide what the right balance is for me. I greatly value my space and a lot of people don’t understand that. They often assume that because I’m a bit of a lone wolf, I don’t want romance and love. That couldn’t be further from the truth — it’ll just be on different terms.
  5. I don’t need a man but I’d like one. Growing into a place where I don’t feel I need a man in order to be happy is one of the biggest personal achievements of my life. That doesn’t mean I don’t want an emotionally mature, amazing guy as an equal partner by my side. It bugs me when people assume I hate men and have no desire for a boyfriend just because I have a strong personality and don’t accept less than what I deserve.
  6. Even when I’m happy alone, I do miss love. I’ll be the first to say that my life is pretty amazing right now. I’m busy and motivated and focused and I love everything that I do. I know not a lot of people feel that way so I’m very grateful. Though I’m very content and probably too busy to date anyway, I do miss intimate conversation and cuddling and sweet gestures and, of course, sex!
  7. I think I could let down my walls for the right relationship. It’s difficult for me, and I know I’m a tough nut to crack. If a guy thinks I’m worth it and he’s up to the challenge, I know that eventually, I could let him in. He just has to earn my trust and affection first. I’m a decisive and independent woman because of my past experiences. I need to know that a man isn’t going to screw me over, but I’m definitely willing to open up for the right person.
  8. I sometimes worry that my toughness will keep me from finding a great guy. I am who I am and I like myself, but I know that I could stand to be less guarded. It’s tough for me. I’m working on it. I’m aware that my defensive feelings towards men are not really who I am, but a product of my life experiences. I don’t want to let the past define me. When I worry that I’ll never find love, I try to remember that the right man will see through my walls and stick with me.
  9. I don’t know if I’ll find someone who loves me the way I am. I’m a great girlfriend, but at the same time, many probably see me as a difficult person to love. I have high standards and a strong personality. I’m honest and sarcastic and definitely an alpha female. I love hard, but I also constantly challenge my partner to grow and develop in the relationship. I haven’t found many men who are up for the work, to be honest. I won’t settle for less and I might end up alone.
  10. I have so much love to give the man who understands me. When I finally find my amazing unicorn who fits my life just right, I think I’ll be so excited and grateful that I’ll love him harder than anyone would ever think I could. It might not look like traditional love to the outside world, but if he gets me and I get him, that’s all I’ll need. I won’t need this tough shell to protect me any longer and I’ll blossom in the one area I have yet to embrace.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.