I Acted Like His Girlfriend But He Only Saw Me As A Hookup

My last relationship involved a LOT of sex. It was fun at first but then I started to feel like it was the only thing I had to offer. We became girlfriend and boyfriend, officially speaking, but sex was always the centerpiece of the relationship. It took me awhile to realize that I was basically just a glorified hookup.

  1. I thought our relationship was based on real emotions but it was just sex. In the beginning of any new relationship, everything kinda revolves around sex and ours was no different. The thing is, it never really stopped. It always felt like he was trying to get me into bed like he did in the beginning even though we were technically boyfriend and girlfriend and he really shouldn’t have to worry about that anymore. When he broke up with me, I finally found out that he didn’t feel the same way as I did but clearly enjoyed the sex. Wow.
  2. I felt like I had to have sex even if I didn’t want to. I think it’s fair to have sex when BOTH parties want to, but honestly, I often felt like I didn’t have a choice. Maybe it’s because I felt like that was the only thing I could offer him, but it was my way of staying close to him and I later realized that he took FULL advantage of that.
  3. I was the one who tried to make the relationship something it wasn’t. I blame myself a little for trying to turn something that was purely physical into a deep, meaningful relationship. It was hard not to when he was treating me like his girlfriend. I truly thought we had a strong connection but it was really just because we were having a ton of sex. Endorphins and hormones tend to make you feel like you’re in love when you’re really not.
  4. Literally ALL we would ever do is have sex. Every chance he got, he made a move. That was fine by me in the beginning, it was even expected, but there comes a time in every relationship where you should move past that into doing other things that allow you to connect on a deeper level, like having intimate conversations or trying new things together that don’t involve getting naked. I can’t believe I didn’t clue in that his obsession with sex wasn’t just a quirk but the main reason for being with me.
  5. I guess he figured if he treated me like a girlfriend, I would stick around longer. I find that the “hookup buddy” set up rarely ever works because the girl (me) always wants more intimacy and the guy (him) wants to just keep it casual. The alternative to this is to make the girl your girlfriend and then dump her when things start to get too real and out of control. He was blinded by all the sex coming his way and he didn’t want it to go away so he agreed to be exclusive. Unfortunately, I ended up getting my heart broken because of his rash decisions. Never again!
  6. We decided to be exclusive but it never felt like a proper relationship. We were BF and GF but I still felt like we were stuck in hookup buddy land. I was still going over to his place late at night as if we were on a secret rendezvous. He NEVER wanted to do anything I wanted to do. I always just followed his plans. Maybe that was my fault for not standing up for myself and my needs, but hey, it’s kinda hard to do that when you’re in love with someone.
  7. I felt like he was hyper-focused on my body. He would always talk about my body like it was his. Like it was the only thing I was good for. He would comment that he liked the way I looked when I lost some weight or how smooth my skin felt. Yeah, I liked the compliments, but I felt like that was the ONLY thing he would compliment me on. I started realizing that this relationship is never going to evolve beyond the physical even though we gave ourselves the boyfriend-girlfriend labels.
  8. I was the one who made all the moves when it came to real love and feelings. I was the one who said “I love you” first, I was the one who brought up exclusivity. It was always me and I really regret doing that. If only I’d waited to see what he really wanted, maybe I wouldn’t have gotten unknowingly stuck as his play-thing.
  9. He loved to talk about his sex-drive. He would boast about his sex drive as if it’s something I should be aware of. Like, “Just so you know, I like to have a lot of sex.” It was like he was warning me what I was getting myself into but it didn’t even occur to me that the only reason he wanted me around was to fulfill his sexual needs.
  10. He even asked to be FWBs when we broke up. When we finally broke up, he even had the nerve to ask to be friends with benefits. I personally would have found that too painful, but obviously he was willing to fight past those uncomfortable, hurtful feelings just to get some.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.