He Acted Like My Boyfriend On The First Date—Red Flag!

Don’t get me wrong—a guy who really shows me he likes me and wants to date me is awesome. But when I met a guy who was acting like my boyfriend when he’d known me for an hour, I couldn’t help but think something shady AF was going on.

  1. It was too much too soon. We were eating lunch and chatting and he casually touched my hand halfway through the date. I moved my hand away because it felt weird for him to do this in the middle of a casual conversation when we’d literally just met. I just wasn’t feeling it.
  2. His flirting went into second gear. He complimented me on how great I was and how sexy my outfit looked. It started to feel uncomfortable AF. I like it when guys can hold back a bit on the physical compliments so I don’t feel like a piece of meat, for goodness’ sake.
  3. Love-bombing isn’t the bomb. I’m sorry but a guy who’s throwing me loads of attention makes me want to head for the nearest exit. Coming on too strongly, whether it’s with compliments, gifts, or just being too interested too soon, feels cheap and insincere.
  4. I just didn’t get it. I really didn’t understand why this guy had to try to show me he was so interested. It was like he was playing a game. He was attractive and clearly got loads of women, so why did he have to resort to this? More importantly, did this crap work on other women?
  5. He dropped the “boyfriend” label. We were talking about previous relationships and I mentioned an ex who was still contacting me and how it irritated me. Casually, he said, “I could give him a call to let him know he needs to stop. I could tell him I’m your boyfriend.” I laughed. Was this guy for real? It was our first date and already he was trying to show me how he could fix my problems. Yikes.
  6. He pulled out the right cards. By the end of the date, he picked up the check and gave me a kiss on my forehead after walking me to my car. Yup, this guy was really chivalrous—or trying to be. I couldn’t shake the feeling that he was pretending to be Mr. Perfect.
  7. He actually picked up the phone. A few hours after the date, he didn’t just text me to tell me he had a great time, the dude called me. This was mind-boggling. I’m always impressed when a guy texts me after a first date, but for him to actually pick up the phone was crazy. My friend said he was clearly besotted with me but I just couldn’t believe it.
  8. It wasn’t my issue. I know this sounds like I’ve got really low self-esteem, but it’s not so much that I felt a guy like him wouldn’t be into a woman like me. It’s just that I felt like he was too perfect. I was waiting for the shoe to drop.
  9. He asked me out again. I said yes because my friend told me I was ridiculous. She said it was crazy that I’d been waiting for a perfect guy to come around only to reject him when he did. Fine, I’d give him another chance. Maybe first date nerves had got the better of him. Maybe when I finally got to know him in a deeper, more natural setting, I’d see that he was a genuine catch.
  10. I felt like a prude. The next time we went dancing, which was fun and I thought would help us relax. The problem was he kept getting all touchy-feely with me. I didn’t want to make him think he could easily bed me, so I tried to move away from him and change the subject. The problem was that every time I created an obstacle to his advances, I felt like some sort of prude. Ugh.
  11. He asked me back to his place. At the end of the date, he asked me back to his place and I knew the guy was only looking for sex. I want a guy who wants to get to know me for my brain and personality, not just my body. This was all about lust, not a potential relationship. Ugh.
  12. I had to fight my attraction. Don’t get me wrong—although I was trying to play a bit hard to get to feel him out, I did find him insanely attractive. Still, I didn’t want to be one of those women who fell all over him and made it too easy for him. Besides, we clearly wanted different things, so I told him that I’d rather go home because it was late. He tried to convince me but I wouldn’t budge.
  13. The truth revealed itself. He started to fade out of my life soon after that. He suggested some other date, like going for drinks or to see a movie, but he never asked me out again. Clearly his charming personality had been a mask. Underneath it, he was just a booty call. I’m glad I held back the way I did. I don’t have time for fakers!
  14. I don’t regret the risk. It’s not always easy to know when a guy’s really a catch or just faking it, so it’s good I went on a second date with this guy to see what he was really about. The most important thing is that it gave me peace of mind. Instead of looking back with regret at not taking a chance, at least now I could move on without wondering about a guy who wasn’t worth a second thought.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.