If He Acts Like He Doesn’t Need You, You Don’t Need Him

With more and more women making the first move these days, it can be easy to forget that dating is a two-way street. That’s the way that it’s supposed to be, at least. If you find yourself in an unequal situation where you’re putting more effort in than the guy, that’s not a good scene. Here’s the truth: if he acts like he doesn’t need you, you don’t need him.

  1. You can’t talk someone into liking you. It would be super awesome if you could (and you definitely wouldn’t have been on your own for this long). You’re not going to make this guy like you if you try any harder. You can’t be funnier than you already are, change up your interests, or send the perfect text message. If he doesn’t realize how cool you are, that’s his problem, not yours. Don’t make it yours by focusing on it.
  2. There’s either a connection or there isn’t. Whenever you’re unsure about someone, that means that you don’t like him. You might hate that idea since it proves that you’ve met yet another guy who isn’t going to be your boyfriend. It’s the truth, though. You can’t force a connection. If it’s not there and he can tell, you need to listen to that.
  3. You’re going to feel like crap if you chase someone. Think about how you felt the last time that a guy showed his interest in you. He might have said after the first date that he really wanted to see you again, texted you just to check in, or straight-up said that you were cool. It felt amazing, right? You were totally on top of the world. Well, that’s exactly the opposite of how you’re going to feel if you chase this guy and he does absolutely no chasing. Things need to be much more equal than that.
  4. You can find a guy who cares about you. It might feel like you can’t, especially if you’ve been single for a long time. You might be so sick of all the games and ghosting and bad dates that you’re tempted to keep seeing someone who clearly isn’t interested. Why not find a guy who actually cares about you?
  5. You’re going to feel worse about yourself, not better. If you think that dating this guy is going to improve your confidence or change your life in a positive way, the answer is hell no. Seeing someone who doesn’t need you is a one-way ticket to ruining your self-esteem for a really long time. You don’t want to do this. You need to walk away and cheer yourself up.
  6. Dating shouldn’t be this confusing. Sure, there’s no way to escape some of dating’s most confusing moments. You don’t always know if a guy is going to text you after the first date and it can be tough to tell in the early days whether something is going somewhere. If you’re so confused about how a guy feels about you that it’s taking over your days, that’s not a good sign. Remember that dating shouldn’t be so crazy that you feel like your head is spinning 24/7.
  7. You’re too old for dating games. You’re not old, of course, but you’re too old to try to guess how a guy feels about you, to wonder whether he’s going to text you back, and to allow him to ruin your day. You’re better than that, so don’t get caught in a downward spiral where you’re reading through old text messages and trying to figure out where you went wrong.
  8. You should realize that he’s doing this on purpose. When a guy acts like he couldn’t care less if you keep seeing each other, guess what. He’s trying to get to you. He wants to manipulate you and he wants to get an ego boost from the fact that you like him more than he likes you. Don’t let him do that. It’s super lame and just proves that he’s a total jerk.
  9. You’re never going to change him and you shouldn’t have to. It’s tempting to believe that you can get him to need you if you spend more time together and if you date for a few more months. That’s not going to do anything except drive you absolutely nuts. Don’t even go there.
  10. You have an amazing life that you have to live. If you’re spending most of your time wondering why this guy is ignoring you and not treating you properly, you’re doing things wrong. You have an incredible life that you have created. You need to go live it. Don’t stare at your phone 24/7. Don’t forget why you love the people and things in your world. If he ignores you, ignore his guy right back, and you will be so much better off.
  11. You might be lying to yourself about how much you even like him. And it’s totally normal. When you’re single for a long time and don’t have much luck turning causal dates into serious relationships, it can be tough to let go of the first guy that you’ve actually liked in a long time. That’s exactly what you have to do, though. Have some faith that it won’t be long before you meet someone you like — someone who actually likes you back and needs you just as much as you need him.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor. She shares gluten-free, dairy-free recipes and personal stories on her food blog, ahealthystory.com. She loves coffee, barre classes and pop culture.