Is He Actually Into You Or Just Full Of Crap?

It can be hard to figure out a guy’s true intentions when you first start seeing each other. Sure, there are lots of great men out there who want to treat you right, but there are lots of others who have ulterior motives or are just hanging around until they get bored with you. If you’re not sure whether or not this guy actually wants to pursue something with you, these signs can almost guarantee that the answer is a hard “no”:

  1. He’s messaging other girls. Technically you’re not exclusive, and TECHNICALLY he’s not doing anything wrong, but do you really want to be just one more girl on this guy’s list? It’s normal to be talking with more than one person if you’re not super into any of them, but once you find someone you really like, the desire to be chatting with other potential love interests kind of tapers off. If this dude has multiple girls blowing up his phone every time he hangs out with you, you’re not anything special to him.
  2. He never hits you up first. Someone who is actually into you will want to talk to you. It’s really that simple. If you’re always the one messaging him first, he clearly doesn’t care enough to start a conversation with you and DEFINITELY won’t care enough to start a relationship with you. Try ignoring him for a while and see how long it takes him to make your phone buzz if you want to get a good feel for just how much of a crap he gives about you.
  3. His compliments feel empty. It’s not that he shouldn’t be saying that you’re cute or have beautiful eyes, but if that’s all he ever sees in you, he’s probably just saying what he thinks you want to hear. A guy who’s really into you will pay attention not only to the superficial things that everyone notices about you, but also the more subtle things. He’ll be impressed by your cooking skills or your knowledge of Chinese history or even just the way your face lights up when you talk about the things you love. Be on guard if the man you’re dating only offers you compliments that could easily be given to just about any other woman on the planet.
  4. He doesn’t ask you questions. If you quizzed him on basic facts about your life, would he pass? A guy that’s crazy about you will want to know everything from your favorite color to the dream career you wanted as a child. A dude whose main goal is to get laid isn’t going to ask more about you than he needs to know.
  5. He bails right after sex. If you’ve reached that point, his behavior after the deed is done is going to reveal a lot about how he feels for you. If he stays with you all night and even engages in a bit of pillow talk, that probably means he’s going to stick around in everything else as well. Be careful if he’s always finding a reason why one of you has to go after the fun is over; it’s a huge red flag that he’s not after the same thing you are.
  6. He’s uninterested in the things that matter to you. A guy who doesn’t care about you all that much definitely isn’t going to care about the things you love. He should want to learn more about what you do at work, what’s involved in your hobbies, and what your friends are like. If he only gives a crap about the stuff that involves him, be prepared for him to soon reveal that he doesn’t give a crap about you.
  7. He doesn’t consider your feelings. He might not try to be selfish, but if he’s repeatedly doing things that bother you, the reason why is simple: you’re not at the front of his mind. Everyone makes mistakes, but if he keeps taking you to restaurants that don’t cater to your food allergies or blows your phone up when he knows you’re working, he’s just blatantly ignoring your needs.
  8. He jumps from woman to woman. If you know he was “seriously” dating one girl a week before he got with you and a different girl three weeks before her, what do you really think is going to happen to you before the end of the month? Some guys just love the thrill that a new romantic pursuit brings. If he has a habit of changing women more often than you change your bra, you’re probably not going to be the one to change his ways.
  9. He’s a little too charming. Do you get the feeling that this guy has a good bit of experience in the art of being suave? Maybe he called you “babe” before he even knew your last name, or perhaps the things he says and does seem like he ripped them straight out of a romantic movie. It could be that you just bring out that side of him, but it’s more likely that he’s so used to using these techniques on other girls that it’s second nature to use them on you. Don’t get swept up by a man who just sees you as another easy target.
  10. He’s only into you when things are good. Of course he’s all about you when you’re in a good mood and have lots of free time to spend on him. But what happens if you get sick or have a hectic week at work? A guy who really digs you won’t even be fazed by this stuff; he’ll know it’s all part of life, and he’ll be by your side while you get through it. However, a guy who just sees you as his “for now” girl will likely lose interest the moment you stop being convenient for him.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu brown belt. She's also a TEFL/TESOL-certified ESL teacher and an equine enthusiast. Originally from Pennsylvania, she lived in Costa Rica for a while before moving to Australia. In addition to her work as a writer and editor for Bolde, she also has bylines with Little Things and regularly writes for Jiu-Jitsu Times.

You can follow Averi on Instagram @bjjaveri or on Twitter under the same handle.