Here’s Why You’re Still Not Over That One Ex

Here’s Why You’re Still Not Over That One Ex ©iStock/max-kegfire

Sometimes it’s hard to tell if you’re finally over an ex. If you’ve stopped obsessing over the breakup and thinking about him every second of the day day, you’re generally well on your way to moving on. That point takes longer for some of us to get to than others, and too many of us waste time being caught up on a guy we’re not even with anymore. Here’s why that one ex still has a hold on you — the sooner you confront the truth, the sooner you can start truly getting over it.

  1. You never let yourself be upset about the breakup. Breakups are never easy, and a lot of people just throw themselves into work or school to distract themselves from their heartbreak. That really just puts a band-aid on the problem, and you’ll still have to deal with your emotions later. It’s better to just face it head on and put it behind you.
  2. You’re bitter about how it ended. Maybe he cheated on you or dumped you out of nowhere, and you had no choice but to accept it. Your anger is holding you back from forgiving him and seeing that it’s probably for the best, so instead of moving on, you just obsess over it, which gets you nowhere.
  3. You’ve never really thought about your own mistakes. The end of a relationship is rarely one-sided. No one is perfect, but it can be hard to admit your own shortcomings, especially when it seems like he was the one who messed everything up. If you look back and try to understand some things from his point of view, maybe you’ll be able to learn something and avoid making the same mistakes again.
  4. You moved on to a new guy way too fast. A casual rebound is sometimes just what you need to start opening yourself up to what else is out there, but jump into a serious relationship too soon and you aren’t being fair to yourself or your new guy.
  5. You’re still close friends with him. If you went straight from serious relationship to best friends, how can you expect your brain to be able to separate your romantic feelings from your platonic feelings? Distance and space is needed in order to reset your feelings for him. Then maybe you can try being friends.
  6. You’re still hoping for a reconciliation. By leaving the door open to possibly getting back together, you’re making sure you’ll never be able to fully move on. As long as you still have that tiny sliver of hope that you’ll get back together, you’ll never be able to commit to anyone new. Do yourself a favor and do what you need to do to shut that door completely.
  7. You’re still sleeping with him. A lot of people think keeping an ex around as a potential hook-up is a great idea. You’re comfortable with each other, you know how to get each other off, and you won’t have to bother with Tinder for a last minute booty call. But it’s pretty hard to put your feelings aside and really see it as just sex when only a few months ago you were telling this guy you loved him.
  8. You still sleep in his old T-shirt. You’re wearing part of him when you go to bed, and every time you do, you’re reminded of how he used to cuddle with you until you fell asleep, how he smelled, and how he insisted you keep that shirt when you broke up because he knew it was your favorite. You have lots of other shirts, so wear one that isn’t so tied up in memories.
  9. You’re still in touch with his family. Giving up on mutual friends and family members you bonded with is one of the hardest parts of a breakup. But they’re his family, so you’re going to have to let go eventually. Might as well do it now.
  10. You keep obsessing over your regrets. So you know you made some mistakes, but now you can’t stop thinking about how you should have done things differently. If you’re ever going to get over it, you’re going to have to forgive yourself for whatever mistakes you made, and accept that you can’t turn back time.
  11. You have him on a pedestal. Maybe he really was a great love of your life, and finding someone to replace him seems next to impossible. But it’s over, and you can’t keep comparing every new guy to him. Just believe that you’ll find someone just as great in the future, and eventually your perspective will shift from pining over the past to being hopeful for the future.
By day, Courtney is a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. By night, she's a freelance lifestyle writer who, in addition to, contributes regularly to, IN Magazine, and SheBlogs Canada. Want to chat about relationships, Stephen King or your favorite true crime podcast/documentary/book? She's on Twitter @courtooo.