I’ve met a seemingly great guy but we’re still in the early stages of dating. Despite how chill I like to think I am, I’m often terrified that he’s going to find someone better than me. I know it sounds silly but it feels overwhelming at times.
- It’s taking up too much of my brain space. I don’t like that this fear is occupying space in my mind. Being afraid of something can really take up a lot of room that could otherwise be used for more positive things. It’s echoing in my mind that he’s definitely going to find someone better, specifically when he goes on an upcoming trip he has planned. It crops up when I’m feeling lonely.
- I’m really excited about him. He’s quite a cool dude. We met at my meditation center so I know we already have that in common, which means a lot to me. Who knows what the future holds, but right now I’m very excited about us dating. I’m delighted by the possibilities. This makes it so that I have something to lose, something that actually matters.
- My fear means that I care. Sure, fear is a pain in the butt, but sometimes it’s signaling genuine concerns. He could potentially meet someone else—this could very much be a reality. Being scared of it means that I care about the outcome of the relationship. There’s something very human about this. Also, it’s not like it’s draining and killing me. It’s just a mild bother.
- I can be good enough. The truth of the matter is that I’m good enough for him. Very much so! There’s no reason why it couldn’t potentially work out between us. I’m pretty sure he’s as excited as I am too because I’m a lovable and worthy person. I have to keep reminding myself to hold my confidence because all of this is true. I just need to repeat it to myself sometimes.
- I get insecure before being exclusive. I love the part where I become exclusive with someone. It brings me great comfort, even though any of the same things could happen then too. Like he could meet someone or just decide he doesn’t like me. Still, being exclusive means a commitment to give it a good shot between the two of us. Before this point, I’m a bit insecure.
- Dating is a crapshoot anyway. I have a love and hate relationship with dating. On one hand, it’s lovely to meet great people and falling in love is wonderful. On the other hand, it’s exhausting and getting my heart broken sucks. Dating is a total crapshoot! I’m putting myself out on the line to be vulnerable with utter uncertainty about how it’s going to turn out. That’s the case in this situation. Call me a sucker but I think it’s worth it.
- I will be OK if things don’t work out. Let’s say that tomorrow he finds someone “better.” Maybe she’s not a superior human but she’s a better fit than me. So be it. I’ll most definitely be OK and I’ll get over it. My fear can bark at me all it wants but I know that at the end of the day I’m OK with myself. My well-being doesn’t depend on my relationship with this person or how much he likes me.
- I have a strange fear I’m going to meet someone better. I know, it sounds really silly. If I do, that’s great, right? Except I’m kind of excited to see how this turns out. I may be projecting too much into the future but that’s how I feel. My solution is to try and just keep my mind in the present moment and attempt to not worry too much about what could and couldn’t happen.
- I know I just have to let go and let things unfold. The ultimate answer to this whole debacle is to loosen my grip on things and let them unfold as they may. This involves being gentle with myself and not beating myself up for having the fear in the first place. I also have to remember my worth. From that place I can let go, knowing that I’ll be OK no matter what happens. We’ll see how it goes!
