I’m All About Making The First Move With Guys But They Don’t Seem To Like It

Guys are always saying that they like it when a woman makes the first move but I’ve never found that to be true. Every time I approach a man first, he either rebuffs me or he gets scared. I don’t see what that’s all about! Here’s why I’m giving up on initiating contact with dudes:

  1. They say they like it but they really don’t. I don’t know any people who are in relationships where the girl kicked things off. I’ve heard a lot of men say they like it when women make the first move because at least they know we’re interested. Yes, I can see why they would like the idea of it because a lot of guys are lazy about dating. It seems like when it actually happens, though, they aren’t as keen on the reality.
  2. If I leave my number, they don’t call. I’ve been in many situations where I was super sure that a guy was flirting with me. I’ve been so confident at times that I even left my number for those men—a number which none of them ever called. Either they already had girlfriends and were just flirting for fun or me leaving my digits eliminated the thrill of the chase and they were no longer interested.
  3. If I make the first move, they run away. I’ve tried, I really have. I’ve acted confident and secure and calm and did everything I thought I was supposed to do. It never matters. If I’m the aggressor, I don’t succeed with guys. I’m an attractive girl with a great personality and a lot to offer so I’m not sure what the problem is, except that they aren’t into straightforward women.
  4. If I ask for their numbers, I start off on the wrong foot. I’ve gotten impatient with guys before and actually called them out on not trying hard enough. This is a terrible idea and always gets me entangled with the most passive dudes! They just assume I’m going to do all the work from then on out and I end up stuck with someone who bores me to tears.
  5. My aggression only gets me lazy men. If a man won’t even make an effort in the very beginning when he’s trying to win me over, he’s bad news. I’m sorry but I don’t buy the notion that guys are shy and want to be asked out by women. Any guy I’ve asked out who was shy was always terrified and intimidated by me. That’s not the dude for me anyway.
  6. I’m terrible at reading a guy’s intentions. I cannot even count how many times I thought a man was hitting on me only to find out he was very taken and simply being friendly. Maybe the dudes who are attached are more open and chummy because they aren’t worried about sending the wrong signal. They’re already in secure relationships so it doesn’t matter to them. I’m too scared now to ever make the first move and make a fool of myself.
  7. I’m tired of trying and getting let down. I’m not doing it anymore. I tried for years to make the first move and it’s literally never worked out for me. It simply doesn’t attract the kind of guy I’m looking for. I want a man who really wants to be with me and isn’t ashamed to show it. I don’t get that by attempting to forcibly date whichever guy attracts my fancy.
  8. Whenever I try to send signals, I fail miserably. I’m not a good flirt. I’m just not. That’s not who I am. I’m not going to try and be somebody different just to get a man. I want a guy who likes who I am, exactly as I am, and that’s a woman who is strong, independent and capable—but a woman who still wants her guy to take the lead. I need an equal partner and making the first move gets me a passive lazy one instead.
  9. I try to flirt but men never respond to it. I’m clearly terrible at it because it never gets me anywhere. I’m kind of shy and awkward when I like a guy. When I attempt to present a confident, sexy facade, it never gets me anywhere. At best, when I make the first move, I find a guy who is only interested in getting into my pants. Usually I don’t even get that out of it!
  10. I push the agenda because I get frustrated. I often go so long without attention from men that it drives me to become aggressive. I hate doing it, but I figure I’m not getting any action by sitting around and waiting for guys to come to me. I start making moves and calling men out on not being responsive. This is clearly the wrong strategy, because if they aren’t responsive in the first place then me urging them to be proactive is only a temporary fix. I’ve definitely learned that the hard way. I just can’t do it—I’m waiting for the guy who wants to woo me.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.