All My Friends Are Super Hot & It Seriously Sucks

I love my friends. They’re incredibly brilliant, dynamic, and they have the best shoulders to cry on. But if I’m being honest, sometimes I cannot deal with the fact that they’re also incredibly hot. On the one hand, having super hot friends is great because your pictures look good, they’ve got a great sense of style, and they’re confident; on the other hand, it seriously blows the rest of the time.

They seem to always attract the hot guys. Why is it that hot friends always date or attract the hot guys?! It’s like you guys go out to a bar and it doesn’t take very long for the hottest guy in the spot to approach your group of friends so that they can get to your friend. It’s annoying. What about me? I’m here. I showered tonight. I actually did my hair. I smell and look good. Talk to me!

They attract everyone with their infectious personalities. Super hot friends usually also have super infectious personalities. They’re the It girls, the ones everyone wants to be around. They pull people in with their beauty and keep people around with their big, energetic personalities.

They look great in everything and it’s like, WTF? My super hot friends always look great. They could be wearing a pillowcase and slippers and it would look chic. My friends are all leggy and tall with curves all in the right places. Clothes just look amazing on them. It’s frustrating. In fact, I’ve stopped going shopping with my hot friends because we would try clothes on and what ended up not working for me at all ended up looking amazing on them. It just felt demoralizing after a while.

It takes them zero time to get ready to go out. Along the same lines, my hot friends seem to take about 15 minutes to get ready before we go out. Meanwhile, I’m over there using every product my makeup bag, fixing and refixing my hair, trying on all of the clothes I own, trying on all of the clothes they own, tweezing, teasing and doing my best to look half as hot as my friends. I’m doing all this and they’re eating Cheetos looking all hot and perfect waiting for me to get a move on. Know what I mean?

They give out beauty advice that only works for them. You ever notice that your super hot friends have the most impractical or nonreplicable beauty routines? They’re like, “Oh, I just drink a million glasses of water, wash my face once a day and use apple cider vinegar on pimples—that’s why my skin is so clear!” And you’re just thinking, “Uh, if I only washed my face once a day, I’d be the oiliest most disgusting mess and no, I don’t want to smell like vinegar.” The truth is, sometimes it seems like our hot friends are just genetically blessed in a way that some of us aren’t.

They look amazing in front camera selfie photos. It’s like all of their angles are on fleek! I don’t know about you but I’m not the most photogenic person and I’m especially not the most photogenic when it comes to front camera selfies. It takes me minimum 10 minutes and 54 snaps to get the perfect front camera selfie, so excuse me if I balk at the idea of taking one with my super hot friend who can take a selfie with her eyes half open and still look hot.

They always look better than you in group pics. Don’t get me started on group pics. Like I said, I’m not hugely photogenic. I’m starting to figure out my angles and work with what I’ve got, but it’s still a struggle. My super hot friends could be in the back of the photo, standing behind everyone and yet it’s like the lighting only found their faces and glints perfectly off of their hair. It’s not fair. They just go all peak Beyonce in the photo and you’re left standing there looking like their backup dancer.

You’re hesitant to introduce them to the guy you’re dating. Anyone with hot friends always has this concern in the back of their minds, especially if you’re starting to date someone new and you’re not quite sure whether you guys are a thing yet or not. I need to have some security in the relationship before I start introducing my guy to my super charismatic, gorgeous friends even though I know that none of my friends would ever hit on my guy. The fear that my guy is going to see my hot friends and immediately think he can do better than me is totally irrational but real.

They have a million Instagram followers and you have, like, five. Their social media is effortlessly poppin’. It’s like they have a fan club of people who worship their faces. I know that social media isn’t everything, but I’d be lying if I said it wouldn’t be nice to have all that attention every once in a while. Social media is a hallmark of influence, coolness, and popularity in society. You know what I’m saying?

Your guy friends use you to get to them. Friends of hot girls are like their publicists and managers. I can’t tell you how many times my guy friends inquire about the singleness of one or more of my hot friends, or how many times they’ll ask me if so and so is going to be at such function so that they can shoot their shot at a date. Talk about a major eye roll.

You’re jealous but you’d never admit it. I love my friends. They’re physically beautiful, yes, but they are also amazing and supportive too. They have incredible personalities to complement their looks and I wouldn’t trade them for the world. Sometimes though, I’m just green with envy. It’s natural. I’ve learned to do my best not to compare myself to them and focus on building my own inner confidence.

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