It seems like the world is overrun with fickle men and players, but there are still some good guys out there, and they’re looking for women like us. It sounds like a pretty little lie, but it’s the truth. Here’s why it seems like all of the good guys are taken, even though they’re not:
- Women exaggerate about how great their boyfriends are. Your BFFs might brag about their wonderful boyfriends, but in reality, they’re probably just average, decent guys. You’ve probably met a few yourself, but since you’re expecting some over-the-top fantastic specimen of a man, you didn’t even realize it.
- You assume you won’t be able to find one. Because you’re so jaded from your own crappy experiences, you automatically assume “good guys” really are either gay or taken. This means that when one comes along, you probably write him off immediately because you’re sure he can’t be all that great.
- You’re expecting too much, too soon. The strongest, most rewarding relationships are the ones in which you both bring out the best in each other. Maybe you’re just not seeing how great some of these guys can be because you haven’t actually dated them yet and he hasn’t yet reached his full potential. You probably haven’t, either, so stop being so hard on guys.
- You’re looking in the wrong places. No more looking for men on Tinder or while out at the club. Try a book club or something instead. If you keep searching through sketchy places for good men, you’re always going to end up disappointed.
- You’re seeing what you want to see. If he’s taken, AKA if he’s someone that you want but you can’t have, you’ll think he’s the greatest thing you’ve ever seen. But when a man is single, AKA you could actually date him, you’ll search harder for flaws, and you’ll pretty much always find them.
- Your standards are unrealistic. If you’re wondering why you can’t find any men who will rub your feet while watching Oprah reruns with us, it’s because they don’t exist. You shouldn’t drop our standards — you should just adjust them, so they’re a bit more realistic.
- The right men follow the wrong dating rules. Men think they’re expected to behave a certain way. They think if they wait three days to text you and play mind games with you, they’ll have a better chance of getting with you. They’re accidentally making themselves look worse than they actually are.
- You’re terrified of love. The only thing scarier than being single is being in a serious relationship for the first time. If you’re scared of something real, you’ll think up excuses to turn guys away, like that all of the good men are already taken.