Too many self-proclaimed “nice guys” claim that they’re often rejected by women particularly because they’re so “nice” and apparently that’s not something we’re looking for. It’s complete BS, of course. Guys, if you want to know the real reason we’re not into you, here are a few possibilities:
- You use niceness as your dating strategy. A nice guy should be put on the endangered species list because it’s so rare to find them. You know this and think that if you’re nice, it will immediately increase your chances with us. It might, but not if your one redeeming quality is that you treat us like human beings. There are so many other things we want, like a guy who can make us laugh, has a backbone, is ambitious, etc. Relying on just one trait is not enough.
- You don’t grab our interest. You can be the nicest, most chivalrous person in the world, but if you’re not interesting to us, we can’t fake it. Yes, that’s when we might call you boring, but that has nothing to do with your niceness and everything to do with having zero personality. Sorry not sorry.
- You’re pushovers. There’s nice, then there’s a guy who’s so nice he’s willing to get down on the ground and let us walk all over him with our six-inch stilettos. You might think going the extra mile to make us happy is what we want, but it just makes us feel like you’re trying too hard. Challenge us — we’ll like you way more.
- You come across as mothering. Gross. Guys who tell us we’re so special and amazing and remind us to take a sweater on a date because it’s cold outside, etc… Um, no. Back away. We already have parents and we don’t need anymore. You’re our partner, and there’s a fine line between caring and smothering.
- You think being nice will turn us on immediately. Just because you know we value niceness, it’s really arrogant to think that if you’re nice, we’ll roll over for you. You’re actually NOT a nice guy if you think this. We’re not such simplistic creatures that we’re satisfied with the bare minimum.
- You think if we’re nice back, it’s a done deal. We’ve been raised to be polite and nice, but you shouldn’t mistake this for romantic interest. Just because we’re returning their niceness with a smile and laugh doesn’t mean that we want you so badly. You seriously need to get over yourselves.
- You’re desperate. If you’re always so nice and trying to use your niceness to impress us, such as by complimenting us every five seconds or agreeing with everything we say, you just come off as desperate. We can’t help but think you’ve been locked up underground for the last decade, playing video games and having no female interaction whatsoever.
- You don’t realize that less is more. You should hold back on the niceness and let us earn it a little. If we do something worthy of a compliment or a good deed, then you can go ahead and be nice. It will mean so much more and feel genuine instead of like a lame attempt at getting into our pants.
- We want mystery. Women like bad boys, but we’ve learned that they’re not always that great in real life. So we’ve compromised by looking for nice guys who have some of those bad boy traits, such as mystery or adventure. We wish you knew that it’s such a turn on if you can be a blend of both: the interesting guy who’s sexy AF and treats us right.
- We’re not ready for the nice guy yet. Hey, maybe the problem is with us and we’re just not looking for a nice guy right now. Maybe we’re busy dating the tortured artists or bad boys. You shouldn’t roll your eyes or shake your heads at us: we’re having an awesome time.
- You’re giving us creepy vibes. Sometimes the nice guy can start to become creepy. You’re the guy who brings us our favorite coffee at work after one date. You’re the guy who tells us that our legs are gorgeous after we confessed to feeling insecure about them. You’re the guy who’ll call us five minutes after our first date to ask us out again. Dealing with a guy like this can feel a bit chilling because you’re doing so much to impress us that it makes us suspicious.
- You’re ex-bashing. You might like to mention how badly you’ve been treated by other women, perhaps to gain our sympathy or to show us what a nice boyfriend you can be, but trashing exes just shows us that you’re not genuinely nice guys. You clearly need to make other people look bad so you can look so much better by comparison.
- Maybe it’s not your niceness that’s to blame. Sometimes we reject a really nice guy because there’s just no chemistry and even if you weren’t so nice, we still wouldn’t be interested. You could turn into Ryan Gosling and we still wouldn’t have gelled with you. It’s not that you’re too nice, it’s just that we aren’t compatible, so you shouldn’t take it personally.
