All The Ways You Hurt Me Showed Me The Kind Of Guy I Should Actually Be With

Enduring an on-again-off-again relationship and a messy breakup last year took its toll on me. But after all the hell you put me through, I’ve come out alive the other side armed with a new sense of clarity. And as much as I can’t stand you, I have to thank you for showing me exactly the type of partner I DO deserve:

  1. Someone who knows my worth You took me for granted, and I let you for too long. I know that I’m worthy of amazing and incredible love, so now I’m just waiting for someone else to realize that. I’ve got all the time in the world — I’d rather be alone than with someone who doesn’t even realize how lucky he is to have me.
  2. Someone who respects me I mean all of me: my dreams, my hopes, my fears, my morals, and my time. You wasted my time, played with my emotions, and doubted my potential. Instead of treating me like a human being, you treated me like a naive child. I’ll never let anyone do that to me again.
  3. Someone who takes my feelings seriously Yes, I am a VERY emotional person and no, I won’t tone it down for you. If I’m hurt, I expect you to care. You wrote my emotions off as me being silly and emotional, I can guarantee that I won’t let that happen ever again.
  4. Someone who actually listens to me In a relationship, it’s incredibly important to know that your partner is listening to you wholeheartedly. Everyone wants to be heard, right? But every time I talked to you, I felt like things were going in one ear and out the other. You were just waiting patiently for your time to talk, without ever taking in anything I said. I need someone who not only listens, but understands.
  5. Someone who supports my dreams, no matter how big they are I’ve got big plans for myself. But when I told you about them, you made me feel as though I was stupid for even thinking I could reach them. I need someone who supports my goals and believes in them just as much as I do.
  6. Someone who lets me be me I’m silly, dramatic, loving, touchy-feely, cheesy, and sensitive. I also get grumpy when I haven’t eaten, and I can’t stand when you talk during a TV show. I’ve got good and bad, just like everybody else. But you made me feel crappy for who I was, and I’ll never tolerate that from another person.
  7. Someone who knows what they want I waited around for years for you to decide that you wanted me. I made excuse after excuse for your commitment issues and still, you couldn’t get your act together. I’m a grown woman, and I can’t deal with little boys who are scared of a real relationship. I need a man who knows what he wants and what he doesn’t.
  8. Someone who loves me unconditionally Your love always came with strings attached. You constantly punished me by revoking your love, and it made me feel as if I was being controlled. I’m done being loved with boundaries. I deserve someone who genuinely wants me to be happy, whatever form that takes.
  9. Someone who doesn’t take me for granted You messed up by taking me for granted, because it taught me that I deserve better than you. I need someone who truly knows how lucky he is to have me. Instead of standing me up, leaving me at parties, and sneaking around like you did, he’ll put forth real effort to keep me around.
  10. Someone who doesn’t treat me like a backup plan You made me feel like a last resort or the last choice to you. I was the girl patiently waiting for you to settle and finally choose me. I’m no one’s backup plan and I will no longer be the girl waiting around for anyone.
Piper Ryan is a NYC-based writer and matchmaker who works to bring millennials who are sick of dating apps and the bar scene together in an organic and efficient way. To date, she's paired up more than 120 couples, many of whom have gone on to get married. Her work has been highlighted in The New York Times, Time Out New York, The Cut, and many more.

In addition to runnnig her own business, Piper is passionate about charity work, advocating for vulnerable women and children in her local area and across the country. She is currently working on her first book, a non-fiction collection of stories focusing on female empowerment.