Have you seen that crazy “bird boxing” challenge in which people do activities while blindfolded? Well, sometimes we tend to blind ourselves to love and get badly hurt. Are you “bird boxing” your dating life? Here are 12 signs you are.
You’re not interested in anything else. You have tunnel vision for the new guy you’ve started dating. You used to love curling up with a good book or going on a solo mini-vacation but now you’re not interested in doing those things anymore because being with him feels so much better. It’s all about him.
You say “I’m sure” often. You haven’t known him for that long but you find yourself filling in the blanks about his personality. This is dangerous because it can cause you to create an imaginary boyfriend. So, for instance, you might say, “He loves the opera so I’m sure he’s sensitive” or “I’m sure he’s a good guy. He calls his mom every week!”
You see yourself through his eyes. His opinions about you beat yours every time. If you used to love your pixie hairstyle or style sense but now he’s telling you that they aren’t cool, you find yourself leaning towards his opinions and taking them on as your own. This is a BIG problem.
You’re going the extra mile. You’re not holding back when it comes to showing this guy that you’re the one for him. When he calls you up at midnight to moan about his day even though he knows you have a stressful morning ahead, you’re there to lift his spirits. You’re letting him cross your healthy boundaries and that’s not cool.
You ignore the red flags. Sometimes the early red flags he gives you aren’t big ones. If they were, you’d probably GTFO of that relationship right away. But he might be sending you a few warning signals anyway by doing something that annoys you while you turn a blind eye to it. In time, those tiny red flags are just going to get bigger.
You don’t see his flaws. You know everyone has flaws but you’re calling this guy “perfect” to all your friends. Maybe he’s coming across that way right now but you know what they say: if it seems too good to be true, it probably is. It’s better to keep your eyes open with this one.
If you do see his flaws, you ignore them. On the other hand, maybe you’ve noticed one or two major flaws this guy has but you’ve decided not to focus on them. Maybe he’s actually really rude and one of your friends points it out. Instead of really listening to what she has to say, you write off his behavior by claiming he’s just stressed about work or insisting that he’s not always like that.
You imagine your future together. It’s easy to be blinded by a guy’s flaws and red flags if you’re imagining a fairytale future with him. You’re not actually living in the present and seeing him for what he truly is, which could be toxic.
You’re not paying attention to your needs. You’re definitely “bird boxing” your dating life if you’re not concentrating on what you need from the relationship. Maybe you’re always pushing your needs aside in favor of what your partner expects or wants. This is a guaranteed highway to losing yourself and it doesn’t have an easy route back.
You’re a little obsessed with him. It’s totally normal to think about your partner all the time when you first start dating or fall in love. What’s not normal is if he takes up so much of your time and energy that you’re blinded to the rest of your life. That’s an obsession and it has nasty consequences like making you feel unsettled, anxious, and dependent on him for your happiness.
You don’t want to go to the tough places. Sooner or later, issues will come up in your relationship. If you shut them down before you can deal with them, you’re not only blinded by love but you’re allowing yourself to believe in a fairytale in which you and your partner are happy all the time. That’s unrealistic and unhealthy because sooner or later, those issues will creep up on you and force you to confront them. By that time, they might be unsolvable. Better to pull the blindfold off your eyes and deal with them now so you can have a happy, secure relationship (even if it’s not with him).
You don’t talk about his past. Although it’s good to give people a chance because they can change, it’s not healthy to avoid talking about his past and previous relationships. You have a right to know about it! What if he has a really bad history filled with commitment issues or domestic violence? Talking about his past and gauging his reaction to you wanting to talk about it will give you clues you need to make the best decision about him. Sometimes it pays to listen to your head instead of your heart.
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