I Always End Up Just A Friend And Not A Girlfriend — What Am I Doing Wrong?

Don’t ask me why, but every time I find a man I like and want to pursue, he ends up just making me his friend. I know it’s silly to complain about being in the “friendzone”, but at the same time, it does get frustrating when I think a guy and I have something romantic going on and it turns out to be completely platonic… at least on his end. What could I possibly be doing wrong?

  1. I’m not afraid to pursue a guy. It’s not like I’m not putting myself out there. I’m not afraid to flirt or take an avid interest in someone that I really like. I’ll ask guys to do things alone, but no matter if it’s a group hangout or one-on-one, it never seems to lead anywhere. There might be plenty of fish in the sea, but no one’s biting.
  2. Every time I think it’s a date it turns into just two friends hanging. We set something up, I get myself all ready to go, and what I think is a first date turns into just two buds grabbing a bite to eat. What’s the difference between making plans to simply hang out and arranging a date? I always seem to get my signals crossed because I think we’re one thing and every guy thinks we’re another.
  3. The guys I like never like me back. Somehow I get the impression they’re interested, though. I make it clear that I like them, and they flirt back. I think a guy’s interested in me and that we might actually be headed toward a relationship and then all of a sudden he uses the word “friend.” Just like that, I’m in yet another situation of unrequited attraction, and I have no idea how I got there or how to get myself the hell out.
  4. Sometimes I wonder if there’s something wrong with me. It feels like all guys want from me is plain old friendship. So why is that? I’m a beautiful and confident girl. I can hang with the boys, but I’m also very girly. I just don’t understand what it is about me that makes guys only want to be friends with me. Why don’t they ever want more?
  5. Modern dating confuses the hell out of me. I feel like I’m supposed to read between every line and analyze every social cue. It shouldn’t be that hard just to figure out if we’re friends or something more. There are too many stages. I can’t seem to figure out where I stand with a guy at any given moment but I know where it’s always leading: very platonic friendship.
  6. I think I’m sending mixed signals somehow. I have no idea how, though. It’s completely unintentional. I have no interest in being friends when I want something more, and I’m sick of guys thinking that I’m happy to settle for something platonic. If I like someone, then I want more or I don’t want anything at all.
  7. I just want to experience a real relationship. I’m not into casual dating or hookup culture. I’m a relationship girl who can’t seem to establish a relationship. I don’t know how to cross the finish line. I think I’m dating a guy and then out of the blue, he hits me with the friendship card.
  8. At this point, I have enough friends. More is only merrier to an extent. I have so many guy friends and girl friends that I don’t even want any more. I don’t want to be just friends when what I really want is to be his girlfriend, and I don’t know how a guy can’t see that.
  9. I’m worried I don’t know how to flirt properly. If I’m sending the wrong message, then maybe I just don’t know how to flirt. Maybe while I think I’m hitting on a guy, he thinks I’m gearing up to be a great friend. I try to smile, look him in the eye, and say all the right things, but at the end of the day things never turn out the way I want them to.
  10. I don’t know how girls become girlfriends. How do you make that transition? I thought it would come naturally, but in my case, it just doesn’t. I’m dating a guy and we’re not acting like “just friends” and then slowly he starts to back away. We used to go on dates, but now we just hang out. I have almost relationships and then friendships, but I never make it to the girlfriend stage.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.