Always The Friend And Never The Girlfriend? Read This

Nothing is worse than being written off as a platonic girl friend with a guy you like when you’d do anything to be his actual girlfriend. You’re pretty much in love with this guy, but in order for him to see you as a true girlfriend contender, you need to do these 10 things:

  1. Give him space. He might be super attracted to you and actually really like you, but one thing that will always be at the top of his list is his freedom. The second he gets an inkling that you’re impinging on the independence he needs and wants so much, he’s going to keep you in the girl friend zone. Don’t get possessive of him. Let him come to you, otherwise, he might put you in the “crazy” girl category (even if you’re literally just showing your interest in a non-crazy way).
  2. Have your own life. Before you even THINK about being someone’s girlfriend, be your own best friend first. When you start living your life in the way that makes you happy, people want to be around you naturally, including the guy you have your eye on. The best thing to do is to realize that you’ve already got an awesome life and he’d be a fun addition, not a necessity. Being fulfilled all on your own is hot AF.
  3. Be the best version of yourself. Quit putting yourself down. it’s so easy to assume that he would never go for a girl like you…but now you’re just bullying yourself. You’ll never be the perfect girlfriend in his eyes if you don’t believe that you’re totally and 100 percent amazing, worthy, and an all-around catch. Embrace your uniqueness. There’s no one else on earth like you. You’ve got something very special to offer him. Now believe it!
  4. Don’t give him too much attention. You don’t want to be following him around like a lost little puppy, as tempting as that may be. He already knows that you like him, so don’t worry about proving it to him — you’re just gonna creep him out (dumb but true). The next time you feel the urge to reach out to him, maybe don’t this time and see if he talks to you. You’re playing hard to get in a subtle way and it makes you seem more valuable. Every little bit helps!
  5. Don’t let him talk to you about his girl problems. He might be doing it to make you jealous, which is a good sign, but how are you supposed to know his motives? Since you can’t know for sure, It’s best to just shut the conversation down when he brings it up. Don’t let him put you in the friend zone by confiding in you about his girl troubles. A part of him may be hoping that you’ll shut it down, thereby letting him know you’re into him. You don’t even want to picture him with another woman, let alone give him advice on how to get her. He’ll never ask you for girl advice again after that.
  6. Don’t talk to him about your guy problems. You might think it’s a good idea to talk about your flings with him to spawn a little jealousy, but guys can get really insecure about girls, especially if they were planning on asking you out. Just don’t even bring it up. You want to keep up that fairy tale vibe you’ve got going. One mention of another guy and he’ll take that as a sign to move on to the next girl he likes and you’ll regret you ever brought it up.
  7. Be a little mysterious and leave some things to the imagination. Although you’re not going to talk about the other guys you’re seeing, you can still give him a little nudge of “you’d better hurry up and ask me out” by alluding to your hectic dating life. If he asks what you’re up to tonight, just say “nothing” in a sly kinda way. You’re not outright saying it, but he knows what you mean by “nothing.” That could just light a fire in him to ask you out.
  8. Don’t talk about your sex adventures with him. Guys are weird about girls having sex with anyone else but them. I’ve talked to multiple guy friends who have said that their attraction for a girl goes down if they know she’s had a lot of sex because it means that she’s easy. That’s a ridiculous double standard since you should be able to have sex with whoever you want, whenever you want (and you should), but that’s just how most guys’ brains work. I guess you could say that most guys like a challenge. Deflect any questions he asks about sex; just shrug your shoulders and let him imagine the rest.
  9. Try not to control the situation. I’ve driven guys away by being too forward and I swear I think I’ve finally learned my lesson for good. Guys like chasing girls. That’s just usually how the stereotype goes, and it’s kinda true. Although they “like” to do it, it doesn’t mean they always have the tenacity or courage to follow through with their desires, which is when you can give a little nudge. Touch his shoulder, tease him, show an interest in him. Any more than that and guys will tend to sink away due to being out-gamed by you. (Then again, if he’s scared off by an independent woman, maybe he’s not worth your attention.)
  10. Whatever you do, don’t get weird. Yeah, it’s hard to do, but try your hardest to not get weird when he seems to be treating you like just a friend. Remember that people go through phases when it comes to crushes. He might be very well on his way to falling in love with you, but don’t shut down or get awkward when you find out he’s dating other people or tells you what a good friend you are. You could be THIS close to a full blown relationship. Just try to hold it together until then.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada.