I’m Always The Pursuer In Relationships & I Hate That Guys Don’t Chase Me

Every time I date a guy I like and who seems to like me, I always end up being the chaser in the relationship. I don’t get chased—ever. They’re always overly eager when I reach out and even go as far to say things like “I really like you” or “I can’t wait to see you again,” so what really gives? I may never really know for sure, but I have some theories.

  1. Pride and ego get in the way. Guys hate it when their egos are bruised. It’s in their DNA to fear rejection as if it’s the black plague. So, when these guys aren’t chasing me back, they could very well be afraid that I’ll flip the script and no longer be into them as soon as they decide to show some feeling.
  2. Some guys are just lazy. It’s so easy to just sit back and let people come to you, and that’s probably exactly what the guys I’m chasing are doing. I’m always hitting them up so they don’t really need to, which works for them because they’re cool with putting in absolutely no effort when it comes to dating.
  3. They’re afraid of losing their freedom. Say these guys are totally into me and could really see themselves in a relationship with me. However, they know that a relationship comes with all sorts of changes to one’s life. They don’t want to have to deal with being in a partnership because they’re free to do whatever they want when they want to do it and are afraid that having a girlfriend could really put a damper on that.
  4. They don’t like the idea of being committed to anyone at all. They’re just not ready to commit to me, or anyone else for that matter. They don’t chase me back because they’re completely fine with the dynamic. When they’re getting chased and not really doing anything in return, they’re safe from that whole “what are we?” chat and free to be single.
  5. They like being chased. Since the dynamics of relationships have seriously changed in the last decade or two, guys now love to sit back and be pursued as opposed to always being the pursuers. It lets them know where they stand with a girl and since I’m the one feeding into it, it’s working out for them.
  6. They prefer quantity to quality. They aren’t hitting me up first or doing any chasing because they have a million girls in their phones who are all doing the exact same thing that I am. Since they have no shortage of options when it comes to dating, they feel like pimps or kings or whatever you want to call it.
  7. I’m closed off so they have the wrong idea about me. It takes me a long time to really let someone in, and these guys I’m chasing are probably catching on to that. They see me as aloof and uncaring because while I’m vying for their affections, I’m not really letting them do the same because of how many walls I’ve built up.
  8. Maybe they don’t think they’re good enough. It’s entirely possible that these guys I’m chasing don’t think they’re good enough for me so they don’t bother unless I’m the one initiating things. I’m an independent woman who has her act together and in a world full of wannabe Instagram stars, it can be intimidating.
  9. They could just be seriously emotionally unavailable. On the other hand, they have no issues with who I am and are actually very comfortable with themselves, but they couldn’t possibly get into a relationship with someone because of past heartbreak. Guys get scared too after all.
  10. Maybe they see me as a boredom cure. Another reason these guys aren’t chasing me back is because they just don’t want to. I get in touch with them enough and they’re not really into anything more than killing some time. It’s quite possible that all I am is a cure for their boredom.
  11. They don’t actually like me. I’m not completely oblivious to the fact that some of the guys I chase don’t actually want anything to do with me. The object of my affection could very well find me repulsive in every way and wish he’d never laid eyes on me in the first place. I know when to take a hint and the difference in responses when it comes to my chasing but sometimes I wish these guys would be more straightforward if that’s where they’re at.
Angelica Bottaro is a freelance writer and aspiring novelist based out of Toronto. She is an avid reader and music lover and enjoys getting lost in the written word and meaningful melodies.