I always had a firm belief that I would be a career woman. I wanted to be independent and make my own money. I wanted kids, absolutely, but I didn’t want to be just a mom. Now that’s what I am and I’m really happy about it.
My mom was a stay-at-home parent. Growing up, my mom was always a stay-at-home parent. She didn’t go back to work until I was in high school. I enjoyed growing up that way but there was something that was always telling me that I wanted more. My parents always fought about money, mostly because only one parent was working. I didn’t want that for myself. So, I resolved to not to put myself in that same situation. That meant taking control of my own career.
I didn’t want to start a family until I had my career established. I had a plan for my life. Before starting a family, I wanted to have my career in place. I wanted to ensure I was financially responsible and in a state where I could comfortably afford a baby.
Life had other plans for me. I became pregnant by pleasant surprise. At that moment, I realized there was no “perfect” time to have a baby. If you always look or hope for those perfect moments, they’ll never come. I was going to be welcoming a beautiful baby into the world and I would figure it all out along the way.
My work from home job was a blessing. It was almost as though fate was on my side. Just a few months after I started a new job working from home, I became pregnant. This was perfect! I was able to have what so many moms dream of: I could stay at home with my son while also working on my career. Win-win!
Maternity leave was a bit rough for me. After having a baby, your hormones are crazy. Mine certainly were. I was sleep-deprived and hormonal and in those first few weeks, I had this feeling like I didn’t want this to be all I was: a mother. I love my son and I love being his mom, but I didn’t want to lose sight of who I was in the process.
After maternity leave, I embraced my new role as a work from home mom. In those beginning months, my son and I had a great routine going! Aside from feedings, my son was either in his swing or napping all day. I was able to get my work done and spend a little time with my son. He sat right beside me as I worked. It was the best of both worlds.
My feelings towards work changed as my son grew up. As the months passed, my son’s needs started to change. He was moving around, playing more, and he needed me. To be honest, I needed him too. I wanted to be there with him, watching him learn how to play and hit those important milestones. Getting my work done in a timely manner got harder and harder. Too many days, I would become frustrated to the point that I broke down in tears.
Mom guilt set in… hard. I hate to admit this, but sometimes I had to choose my work over my son. He wanted my attention but I couldn’t give in every time. I had to complete my work. It started getting pretty bad when I was having to work almost around the clock. My fiancé works long hours, so he would get home late. He would take over and I would finish my work. I was literally feeling like I was working all day long. Sure, I was taking breaks here and there to play with him, but my mind was with my work and stressing about not getting it done.
My son deserved so much better. My son deserved a mom who was present and could attend to his needs. Being a stay at home mom is a full-time job! Trying to work another full-time job simultaneously was not easy. I found myself wanting more and more to be with him and not with my job. Being his mom started to become my only true desire.
I made the best choice I could have ever made. Finally, I decided that I had had enough. I couldn’t keep working myself ragged while allowing my son to suffer, so I quit my job. To help stabilize income, I chose to take freelancing jobs here and there. I don’t regret my choice for a second. I do still have goals of business dreams I want to pursue. But being a mom comes first now and that’s not something I ever thought I would say. I wouldn’t have it any other way!
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