Has it come to a point where your relationship feels exhausting, as if it’s a chore to even put in the bare minimum of effort? Fights get messier, the remarks get more personal, and every minute feels so heavy when you’re with them. Suddenly, it’s a blame game on whose fault it is and you never see eye to eye anymore. While it’s easy to point the finger at your partner for things going downhill, is it possible that you’re the one at fault? Here are the signs that you’re a toxic girlfriend and may be behind many of your troubles.
- You don’t reciprocate your partner’s efforts. It’s only your partner doing the heavy lifting. They love to give and you love to take and that’s just the way it goes. The relationship has become a one-way street. Worse, you don’t acknowledge even the grandest of gestures because you’ve set an unreasonable standard for your relationship. Nothing is good enough anymore and you’re making that painfully obvious.
- You invalidate your partner’s feelings. A hallmark of a toxic girlfriend is when they keep on belittling or dismissing their partner’s feelings. You shun them when they open up to you and share what’s going on in their head and heart, believing that their emotions are petty or insignificant. Remember, it’s not only your feelings that are valid in the relationship and regularly shutting your partner down is a form of emotional abuse. Communication is an important aspect of a healthy relationship. Once that’s compromised, it’s all downhill from there.
- You never say sorry even when you’re clearly at fault. Another apparent sign of being a toxic girlfriend is the inability (or unwillingness) to take responsibility for your actions ever. It’s always so hard for you to admit you were wrong and say sorry to your partner, even when it’s so obvious you’re at fault and messed up. When you do want to apologize, it feels like there’s a lump in your throat and you never end up saying it. It’s a combination of stubbornness and fear that if you dare to confront your behavior, you’ll actually have to do something to change it.
- It’s easy for you to lie to your partner. A manipulative and toxic girlfriend almost always lies to her partner. The worst thing is, the more you do it, the easier it becomes to continue a pattern of dishonesty. Of course, there are instances when it may be acceptable to lie to your partner. However, when it comes to bending the truth to suit your own narrative or to manipulate your partner in any way, there’s a serious problem.
- You keep tabs on your partner’s mistakes. Another thing that screams being a toxic girlfriend is keeping a relationship scorecard. Do you keep track of your partner’s mistakes because you want to bring it up the next time you’re on the losing end? You never miss an opportunity to remind them about what they did to you in the past just to gain the upper hand. Grudge-holding is a one-way ticket to breaking up and it’s a really toxic trait to have.
- You keep on criticizing your partner. Constructive criticism is nice once in a while, but it’s another thing when you can’t stop tearing your partner down. You thrive in pinpointing all of their weaknesses and you see no problem doing so. In your head, you’ve convinced yourself that you’re only giving negative feedback in order to better them, but who asked you? If your comments are rude, unwarranted, and unwanted, maybe keep them to yourself. Not only that, but ask yourself why you’re with someone who you clearly see as defective or unworthy of you.
- You don’t let your partner have a life outside of your relationship. The line between your partner’s personal life and your relationship as a couple has been completely blurred. You want their world to revolve around you and you want it to stay that way. Yes, spending time together is important, but it can become suffocating when taken to the extreme. There’s a feeling of satisfaction you get when your partner’s activities depend on you. You’re not even sorry even if they miss a night out with friends or an important family get-together. They need to be at your side 24/7 and that’s not open to negotiation. Demanding to be the center of his world absolutely makes you a toxic girlfriend and someone who’s deeply insecure to boot.
- It drives you crazy when you can’t control your partner. You love being the one who wears the pants in your relationship and it drives you absolutely mad when they stand up for themself. Just like how you don’t allow them to have a life outside your relationship, a toxic girlfriend wants to take control of every aspect of their partner’s life including with whom and how they spend their time, how they spend their money, or even how they dress. Nothing can get past you and everything has to be done upon your approval.
- You know your partner’s passwords to all their accounts. Not even your partner’s social media account is allowed to be private. You log in to their accounts and check all their online activity–all the likes, comments, posts, everything! The worst part is that you manage to find fault in all these things, no matter how harmless they are. Everything that you see and don’t like, you add to your relationship scorecard to guilt-trip them. Remember, only a toxic girlfriend would be insecure about their partner’s harmless online activities.
If you recognize the signs that you’re a toxic girlfriend and you want to stop, it’s time to address your behavior. Start by making amends with your partner for the things you’ve done. Depending on how far things have gone, it may be too late to save the relationship. However, it’s important that you finally own up to your wrongdoings and make a change. If you find the pattern is too hard to break, it may be time to seek the help of a professional therapist or psychologist to help.