Am I flirting without realizing it? We all have those friends that seem to be blessed by the God of socializing. If you don’t have that friend, it’s probably you. It just seems like you’re unfailingly likable and everyone loves you effortlessly. While you make friends at the drop of a hat, though, you may also often give people the wrong impression. Are you flirting without realizing it? Here are a few reasons why you might be.
- You smile a lot. Maybe you’re just a naturally happy, smiley person. That isn’t the same for everyone, and lots of people will read into that as a flirty smile. Sometimes, if someone’s having a bad day and a person they like smiles at them and means it, it can really turn their day around. It might also mean that they think you’re interested in them romantically, which may not be the case. The solution isn’t to smile less – of course not. You just might need to be mindful of how other people will perceive your actions when you have such a bubbly outward demeanor.
- You have really open body language. Some people have clearly spent their childhoods and early adolescence playing video games in a tiny room or bent over a desk their entire life. That means that when someone enters the room with great posture and a confident walk, they stand out. People take notice of that sort of thing. It’s attractive and reminds people to sit up themselves. If you catch people’s eye straight away in that way, they won’t take much convincing to be attracted to you. It means that if you’re chatty and confident, they’ll interpret that as flirting. And so what, maybe you are! Body language is so important when you’re flirting, so it’s a great trick to know!
- You’re very touchy-feely. Some people are a bit more hands-on than others, and that’s fine. However, you could be flirting without realizing it if you’re someone who likes to touch others a lot, even casually. If you’re someone who leans in and touches someone’s arm when listening to them, puts your hand on their back when moving past them, or loves to hug when greeting or leaving them, the person on the receiving end may read more into it than is really there.
- You take a sincere interest in people. This is a good thing, but it’s also so rare that people might think that you’re into them when really you’re just being nice. You like to know what makes people tick and what’s going on in their heads to understand them better, and that’s a good thing. However, it can also give them the wrong idea, which is more than frustrating. Can’t you just be kind without people taking it the wrong way?
- You love to tease. If you have a more playful personality type, chances are you love to tease people. It’s something you do with your best friends for fun and with newer acquaintances just to make them feel more at ease and break the ice. It can have this effect for sure, but it can also put the idea into their heads that you like them romantically, which is definitely not the case!
- You’re an extrovert. This might seem like you have an unfair, built-in advantage, but being an extrovert will predispose you to be attractive and confident. That’s because socializing doesn’t scare you – in fact, you need it. And, because socializing is such a part of your day-to-day activity, you’re really good at it. Just like anything else that you have loads of practice with. If you’re an extrovert you will be a particularly attractive prospect to introverts who have aspirations of getting out of their shell. Maybe, in return, introverts will offer you a way of slowing down. Being compatible as an extrovert means that you’ll be more likely to have a trail of crushes following behind you, head over heels because you’re a ball of joy and hellfire.
- You’re always making plans. You don’t even think much of it because it’s such a natural part of your life. However, for the nervous introverts that you adopt without reflection, hanging out one on one for a coffee is a much bigger deal than you think. Again, this isn’t a reason to stop extending out a helping social hand when you need to hang out with someone, but just read the signals because they will be. It can sometimes be stressful for other people trying to read you whether you’re flirting or not (or whether something is a date or not). Just be mindful of the situations that you create.
- You want to be liked. I mean, don’t we all have a complex about needing to be liked? It was the same with our high school English teacher as it is now with our work acquaintances. We can’t draw that line, and sometimes we need to. Our need to be liked often overtakes our enjoyment of social engagements because we can’t accept that sometimes people won’t like us. It means that a lot of people perceive your attentiveness to them as a sign of flirting. Beware, extroverts make the best partners for that reason.
- You have a great personality. Sometimes, interesting people just attract other people. That’s kind of how it works. Incidentally, it’s also how most cults get started. Just find a compelling person and watch the masses flock to them, give or take a few religious doctrines. It’s not your fault that you’re so easy to get along with and great to be around. You don’t need to apologize for that!
- You’re just simply good at socializing. I mean, if you’re good at something, it will reassure other people that you’re talking to. That confidence is catching and soon everyone will be in love with you. Isn’t that your goal – under all that bravado? People will want to learn from the best and they’ll get swept up in your thrall. Not everyone is gifted in this way, so consider it a blessing.
- You’re funny to boot. How do other people really stand a chance? There’s a lot of overlap between humor and flirtation. Both rely on common ground and a connection. Don’t be surprised if the person you practice your stand-up set to starts to catch feelings. They’re only human.
So there you have it, a few of the ways that you might find yourself accidentally flirting this summer, and some ways you can step up your game. Just remember that while you should always be careful to read the room, it’s also not your job to police your behavior so that people don’t get the wrong idea when you’ve done nothing to warrant it. Just be yourself and don’t apologize for it and you won’t be able to go wrong.