Am I In Love? 9 Signs It’s Not Lust, It’s The Real Thing

Lust vs. love — what exactly is the difference? Lust is a sexual attraction, something that physically draws you to another person. Love, on the other hand, is something deeper. It’s a bond you feel that’s physical, yes, but it’s also so much more. It should come as no surprise that lust is easily confused for love and vice versa, but they’re actually totally unique feelings. If you find yourself wondering, am I in love? then look for these signs.

  1. You Want Them To Meet Your People. Has the person you’re seeing become someone you want to introduce to your parents and friends? That’s a pretty good sign your feelings have grown from lust to even love. It means you see this person in your life long-term, and you want them more involved. If your feelings weren’t real, you wouldn’t bother introducing them to your loved ones.
  2. You Constantly Think About Them. They pop up in your head every day at some of the most random times. It’s not like you only think about them when you’re together. You think about them every time their favorite song plays on the radio, when you’re planning out your weekend, or thinking about your future. Ask yourself, are they the first person you think about when you wake up? That tells you a lot.
  3. You Have Deep Conversations. Your conversations go deeper than talking about the weather and your favorite sports team. You’ve opened up to them about your goals and fears. They know your most embarrassing moment, your mental health struggles, and how you want your future to play out. If it was just lust, you wouldn’t be comfortable enough to share so much about yourself.
  4. You’re Making Plans. You bought tickets for a concert this summer, and you’re already planning on what to buy your partner for their birthday in the fall. Mmhmm. It sounds like you see this person in your future. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be thinking so far in advance, and you definitely wouldn’t be spending money on something that wasn’t a for sure thing.
  5. You See Their Flaws. People in lust typically don’t spend too much time looking at their partner as a whole. They’re too focused on the hot and heavy elements to really dig into who the person is. Not you. You pay attention to your partner as a whole. You’ve seen their flaws and those less desirable traits, and guess what? You haven’t gone anywhere. If it was just lust, you would’ve run the second you saw something off.
  6. Your Relationship Lives Outside The Bedroom. If it was just lust, your relationship would only exist in the bedroom. But interestingly enough, you two spend more time out and about than between the sheets. You go to the movies together, you have dinner on Friday nights, etc. To everyone else, it looks like you’re in a committed relationship. And while we’re not saying you should let other people define you, if it quacks like a duck, it’s a duck.
  7.  You’re Overly Affectionate. You’re not usually a fan of PDA, but something about them makes you want to be physical. And we’re not just talking about sex. You feel this intense urge to kiss them, hold their hand, hug them, and completely invade their space. Why? Because you’re in love and your body is bursting with love hormones (better known as dopamine and oxytocin).
  8. Your Feelings Keep Growing. The more time you spend with them, the more your feelings grow. That’s love. Lust, on the other hand, is just the opposite. The more time you spend sleeping with them, the less exciting it becomes. In fact, you’re more likely to get bored after a time and start looking elsewhere. If you can’t seem to get enough of this person, and it’s been a few months, you’re not in lust. You’re in love.
  9. You Only Want Them. There was once a time when you liked the idea of playing the field. You wanted to keep your options open so you avoided getting too attached. But now, you’re fully invested. You haven’t even considered the idea of dating someone else or even talking to someone else because you’re laser-focused on this person. That’s a pretty clear sign that what you’re feeling is more than lust.
Jordan White is a writer based in Scottsdale, Arizona with more than 8 years of experience. She graduated from Northern Arizona University with a degree in Rhetoric and Creative Writing in 2015 and while there, she wrote for The Daily Wildcat. She has since written for sites including FanBread, and, of course, Bolde. You can find about more her on Facebook. She has a passion for giving her audience something to laugh about and despises the heat more than anything.