I fully support every woman’s choice (and every person’s choice in general) to do whatever they want with their own body. If random hookups and one-night stands are your thing, more power to you. To me, sex means too much to give it away so easily, though I’m starting to wonder if I’m the only one…
I want a soul connection. I know it sounds corny and that’s fine—it’s how I feel. When I have sex with someone, I want us to be making love, not just going at it like a pair of rabbits fulfilling some biological imperative to mate.
I want to worship and be worshipped. I want the person I’m sleeping with to appreciate every single inch of my body, to love it because it’s part of me. They can’t do that if they don’t even know who I am to begin with. I want to be able to offer this to my partner too, showing them how much I adore them through our bodies.
I want to feel secure. In order for me to get into bed with someone, I need to feel safe and secure. I need to feel like my partner isn’t using me just for sex, that they’re going to be there after the deed is done, that they won’t judge my imperfections or use what we do together as meaningless locker room banter with the boys. How can any of those things be guaranteed if I’m hooking up with a random?
I want to take precautions. Sure, you can and should be using condoms and birth control methods even if you’re more into casual sex, but there are no guarantees of what you’re getting yourself into when you sleep with someone you don’t really know. I’ve always ensured that my partners and I are tested for STDs and related infections so that both of our health is never in danger.
I want to feel like more than just some cheap thrill. When you have a one-night stand, you’re basically doing so because you’re both horny and want to get your rocks off. Again, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that if that’s your thing, but when I wake up the next morning, I want to feel good about what I did the night before, not full of regret.
I want to be stronger than my raging hormones. I have times when I just want to get laid like everyone else, but I try to stifle the urge to go out and get some by whatever means necessary because more often than not, being driven by your hormones leads to making terrible decisions (believe me, I know from experience). I try to remind myself that when I’m in a relationship, the sex will be amazing and definitely worth waiting for.
I want to get off. On the few occasions I’ve hooked up with a random in the past, I never had an orgasm. That’s not the end of the world, but it did suck that the person I was sleeping with didn’t even care—why would they? They didn’t know me or value me and they were never going to see me again, so as long as they felt good, that’s all that mattered. I think I’d rather hold out for a partner who cares about my pleasure as much as their own.
I want to be in love. Bottom line, I want to be head over heels crazy about the person I’m having sex with. I’m baring everything to them, literally and metaphorically, and I want my partner to feel that they’re doing the same. Sex is a beautiful, amazing thing, but I don’t ever want to take it for granted or have it mean less than it is. It’s important and special and I’d like to keep it that way. Surely I can’t be the only one?
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