Am I Undateable? Bad Habits You Have That Are Keeping You Single

It seems like everyone around you is happily dating or in a relationship while you’re on your own and pretty miserable about it. You have your act together and have a lot to offer a potential partner, you think, so what’s the deal? Are you undateable? If you’ve ever worried that there’s something fundamentally wrong with you that’s keeping you single, listen up—chances are it’s these behaviors that are responsible for your solo status.

  1. You lack self-confidence. You know those people who just ooze confidence and comfort in their own skin? That’s not you, and that’s a shame. You’re smart, funny, hot, caring, and a whole bunch of other positive adjectives and yet you lack self-belief. Guys can tell when a woman is riddled with insecurity and they’re more likely to avoid her because they don’t want to take on that kind of baggage. You’re not undateable, you’ve just convinced yourself that you are, and that’s the problem.
  2. You don’t know what you want. You can’t expect to find a relationship if you don’t even know what it is you’re looking for. Simply believing that you want a boyfriend isn’t enough—before you embark on anything, you need to know exactly what it is you’re after. This doesn’t mean you should be so rigid that there’s no room for unexpected connections, but developing a clear picture of what and who you want in your love life is paramount.
  3. You compare everyone to your exes. There’s nothing worse than a woman who compares every guy she meets to every guy she’s dated before. This bad habit really will make you undateable! Believing that every guy is a cheater because you’ve been cheated on before or that every guy will be a doormat because your previous boyfriend was is reductive, harmful, and unfair. Not only that, but it means you’re going to be alone for a long time to come.
  4. You’re way too picky. There’s a difference between knowing what you want in love and having an exacting checklist that disqualifies anyone who doesn’t meet every single point on it. Yes, it’s important to have standards and boundaries, but if you rule out a guy because he doesn’t have dark hair or he didn’t get a Bachelor’s degree, you’re basically begging to be labeled undateable.
  5. You chase after the wrong guys. Emotionally unavailable men, immature men, or eternal bachelors are never going to make good boyfriends. If these are the types of guys you regularly find yourself attracted to and trying to date, it makes sense that nothing ever works out. How could it?
  6. You’re a little too desperate. Being undateable is more of a mindset than it ever is an actuality, and it can start to make you feel a bit desperate. Feeling a bit desperate leads to acting desperate and that’s a major turn-off for men and women everywhere. Take a few deep breaths, realize that you’re not going to be single forever, and take your time. There’s plenty of it.
  7. Your expectations are too high. The chances of finding your own personal Prince Charming who comes riding in on a white horse to fulfill your every romantic fantasy are pretty slim, so banish the thought from your head. If a guy respects you and your time, treats you well, is thoughtful and caring, and makes you a priority, that should be enough. If it’s not, then you need to reassess your expectations.
Jennifer has been the managing editor of Bolde since its launch in 2014. Before that, she was the founding editor of HelloGiggles and also worked as an entertainment writer for Bustle and Digital Spy. Her work has been published in Bon Appetit, Decider, Vanity Fair, The New York TImes, and many more.