I’m An Amazing Catch But I Rarely Get Asked Out — And I’m Starting To Understand Why

I’ve spent about 90 percent of my young adult life single and I don’t think it’s by accident. I could give you every excuse in the book as to why I’m still on my own, but after thinking about it for a while, I’ve realized that it probably all comes down to these things:

  1. I take a lot of pride in my independence. I like the idea of relying on only myself and I’m starting to think that my independent lifestyle might be scaring guys away. I really like to drill in the fact that I don’t “need” a man; in fact, I bring it up constantly. I can’t help it, it’s just the way I feel. Being a part of a couple is never a goal for me because I’m all I’ll ever need and I don’t think I’ll ever change my mind about that.
  2. I barely ever get asked out anyway. I’m lucky if I get asked out once a month, and most of the time it’s not even that — it’s like a cryptic kinda “you wanna hang out?” thing which might not even be a date! I’m not sure how every other girl around me is going on three or four dates per week when I seem to go months without a single look my way. I’m not online, so that might have something to do with it, but even still… I feel like I should be getting asked out a little more often than once a month.
  3. My schedule is always jam-packed. My work life is non-stop and it’s rare that I even get to think about dating. When I do get asked out, it takes weeks to find a time where I can actually meet up with them and even when I do, I’m so mentally occupied with work stuff that I can’t focus and just enjoy the moment.
  4. I like doing what I want when I want. I’m a little bit selfish when it comes to my time and would prefer spending any free moments I have doing exactly what I want without having to worry about someone else. There are certain things that I like to do that I know not everyone is into and I’m not willing to give up my hobbies just so I can say I’m in a relationship. I put myself first and that seems to make guys think that I don’t care about them or want to date them but. That’s not true, it’s just the way I like to live my life.
  5. I never seem to get past the first date. Sometimes it’s my fault and sometimes it’s his, but either way, I never seem to get past that initial meeting. It could be that my general attitude towards dating is a little bit “take it or leave it” and the guy picks up on the fact that I don’t really want to be there. I try to be excited, but maybe it comes off as fake and that really rubs him the wrong way. Other times, it’s because I don’t want to move as quickly as he does and that makes him think that I don’t like him even when I do. It just never seems to work out and I don’t think it will anytime soon.
  6. Apparently, I don’t put out the “vibes.” I tend to treat most guys I meet as friends upon first meeting just to be sure I don’t give them the wrong idea. It’s almost like I make guys “just my friend” so that I don’t have to deal with them getting a crush on me and asking me out. It’s like I’m doing damage control before the fact. This may sound like a great idea in the moment, but I end up putting myself in the “friend zone” and close up any opportunities to date guys in my social circle down the road.
  7. I’m a loner by nature. I’ve always kinda felt that I was meant to be single and I’ve never really understood what’s so great about being in a relationship. I went to prom alone and felt fine about it. I’m also totally okay going to the movies or a restaurant by myself and actually prefer it most of the time. I don’t think I’m cut out to share my life with someone. It could be that I haven’t met the right person yet, but it has been 27 years…
  8. Most of my “relationships” only seem to last a few months. I think there’s a reason I’ve never been in a long-term relationship and it’s that I’m just not cut-out for it. Sure, I’ve been in a few relationships, but only for the honeymoon period and when it’s over, I tend to jump ship. It could be because I don’t want to share myself with someone. Or, it could be that I get bored really easily. Either way, I don’t see a long-term commitment in my future.
  9. I feel like I should be more excited about dating than I am. I don’t like talking about dating — I don’t find it very exciting. All of my friends seem to ONLY want to talk about it, but to me, there are way more interesting things going on in my life than who I’m sleeping with. When I get asked out, I’m excited for like a few seconds, but then I just go back to what I was doing or thinking about.
  10. It takes awhile for me to open up. Even if I do like a guy, I act like I don’t because I’m afraid of getting hurt. If he sticks with me despite my abandonment issues, then the relationship might work, but I tend to require a very patient person and most guys just want an easy going kinda girl, not someone like me.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.