Annoying Things Couples Do In Public That Should Be Kept Private

I get it — being part of a couple is amazing. What’s not so amazing, however, is the way some couples choose to conduct themselves in a public setting. Being alone in your own space is one thing, but some of the things people think are appropriate to do in public — whether out and about on a grocery run, at a party, or even walking down the street – is straight up nonsense. There are some things that should just be kept private, and some things that are just plain weird. It’s not just the opinion of single people; other couples actually find some of these behaviors annoying as hell.

  1. Heavy displays of affection. It’s so cute when you steal kisses, walk hand-in-hand, and snuggle on the couch together at a party. That’s totally cool. But when you’re making out and we can see the saliva transfer between your mouths or you’re heavily petting each other in public, please get your act together and into a nearby hotel room.
  2. Matching outfits. For Halloween, this is kind of adorable, but otherwise you’re a walking bad family photo meme waiting to happen. Stop.
  3. “We” talking too much. I know you’re living life doing great things together, but do you have separate thoughts? “We think,” “We love,” “We hate”… well, we –meaning the rest of us- would like to see some individualism from time to time. You were each one separate person before you came together, and you will be when you break up; remember that.
  4. Overuse of pet names. There are these silly things called given names that we were assigned by our parents at birth. Use them sometimes. And for the love of God, stop saying “bae”.
  5. Baby talk in public. Do I have to explain this one? There are zero things that are cute about baby talk past the age of 5, and even then it’s questionable. When two grown adults are doing it in front of other people, it gets creepy.
  6. Massive blowout fights. Lovers have quarrels, and that’s completely normal. If you never fight, I’d like to know what sorcerer you hired; otherwise, please save your spats for yourselves. Go into a private room or save it for later. No one wants to hear that stuff. It’s awkward.
  7. Hands in each other’s butt pockets. What is this, the ’80s? Are you in a Levi’s commercial? Please, no.
  8. Only talking to each other. When you’re out in a group setting but you’re only talking to each another, it’s like, why did you even come out?
  9. Texting non-stop on an obvious date night. Have you ever seen that couple at a restaurant who sit across from each other just texting the whole time? They hardly even speak to each other. Again, why did you even come out?
  10. Talking about your sex lives. Given that you’re a couple, sex is implied. Unless I ask for details — and let’s be clear, I likely never will — please spare me the pillow talk.
  11. Telling inside jokes in a group. There’s nothing more annoying than giggling about something everyone else is clueless about, only to inform everyone it was an “inside joke” and then stare at each other and laugh some more. Can you not?
  12. Ridiculous Facebook posts/love letters. This is technically public as it’s in a public forum. Sometimes this is very cute, I can’t argue. When you’ve just gotten engaged or married or are announcing a child and want to share it with your network, I’ll salute you with a like and a congratulations. Otherwise, these ridiculous long proclamations of love and showing your gifting to each other are a little absurd. The best relationships aren’t on social media. Live in your love offline, and more in private for that matter.