Being tall is amazing. Skinny jeans were made for long legs and standing-room concerts will always favor the vertically blessed. But, despite the many plus sides to being tall, there are also some down sides. We Amazonian ladies deal with some very annoying crap.
- Silly, repetitive pickup lines. For unknown reasons, many people seem to think that pointing out a girl’s height is an effective way to hit on her. Walking up to a complete stranger and saying, “You’re really tall” is not a come on or a compliment. It’s an observation, and an incredibly silly one at that. The tall girl knows she is tall. We don’t need socially inept jackasses turning our height into an icebreaker or a pickup line. We have heard them all and will never be impressed by anyone who asks us if we play basketball or if those legs go all the way up. Hearing crap like that for the umpteenth time from yet another person who thinks they’re being clever will have a tall girl reaching for her crossbow.
- Clothes shopping sucks.Far too many clothing companies think that tall girls don’t exist. That is a strange concept if you think about it, because the girls they use to model their clothes are tall. Articles of clothing suited for tall girls are usually relegated to the very back of the shelves, or they don’t exist at all. When clothing sizes go up, they tend to increase horizontally instead of vertically. Ordering clothes online is a huge gamble and can get really expensive. Tall girls can’t win in the clothes department. If you ever see a tall girl crying tears of joy in a dressing room, it’s because she tried on every pair of jeans in the entire mall and finally found a pair that reaches her ankles (or the floor). Let her have her moment with the unicorn pants.
- Getting dirty looks when we wear heels. One of the reasons women wear heels is because they get a height boost from them.When a tall girl wears heels, she often gets nasty looks from other women (and sometimes guys) because they think she doesn’t need them. They look her up and down and wonder why she wasted money on shoes like that when she was already tall. She bought those pumps because they’re badass and they make her already amazing legs look even better. Crawl back into the third world sewer from whence you came, jealous critics.
- Ceiling fans are the devil. All tall people have mastered instinctive ducking. Tall girls must be on extra high alert around low-hanging ceiling fixtures and door frames because our height can instantly increase by several inches when we put heels on. After being in a familiar routine with head clearance, that can get dangerous. That ceiling fan we were able to (just barely) pass under before will now eat our hair like spaghetti. The door frame we only had to slightly duck under will now cave our foreheads in. If any part of a structure is close to our heads, with or without heels, we tall girls must be aware of it. Also: popcorn ceilings will shred our knuckles into oblivion if we aren’t careful.
- Insecure guys. There is no faster way to expose an insecure guy than by towering over him. A woman being taller than a man is not supposed to be the norm, so a tall girl is disrupting that social expectation just by standing there. This makes insecure guys feel intimidated, so they resort to all kinds of obnoxious tactics to deal with their discomfort. They might try to act extra macho, try to increase their own height by standing up on their toes (and hoping nobody notices), or tell the girl she’s “too tall” to date. The whole display is pitiful and painful to watch. We’re just standing here being tall, man. No need to turn our height into a penis-measuring contest.
- People who don’t believe our height. There will always be that person who asks for a tall girl’s height and when she says, “6’0”” the person responds, “You can’t be 6’0”, I’m 6’0”!” Dirtbag, if we have to bend down to hear you, you are not 6’0”. That insecure inaccuracy is not a good look on you, and no, your doctor was not off by five inches when he measured you during your last visit. Stahp.
- Insufficient leg room. There is no room for our legs anywhere. Cars, airplanes, trains and movie theaters have our poor, helpless legs scrunched in like poorly packaged hot dogs. The discomfort is exacerbated if the jerk is sitting in front of us decides to recline his/her seat all the way back. Our knees are a bloody, bruised battleground and they will probably never recover from all of the trauma that has been inflicted on them over the years.
- Children treat us like jungle gyms. When kids see something towering over the horizon, they want to climb it. They seem to completely disregard the fact that we are humans and not playground equipment. They want to be picked up and go for an excessively long ride on our shoulders. Or, they’ll just start at the bottom and claw their way to the top like Frodo Baggins on steroids. By the time we manage to pry the little munchkins off of us, we’re covered in sticky hand prints and we smell like dirty diapers. But hey, at least the kids are exercising.