To Any Woman Still In Love With Her Ex

It’s been months, maybe even a year since you broke up with your ex, but for some reason, you’re still not over him. In fact, you’re pretty sure you’re in love with him. You just want to move on and know you have to, but you don’t have a clue how to let go of what you had. If this sounds like you, here’s what you need to remember:

  1. You’re so much better off without him. If he can forget about you in the blink of an eye while you’re still broken then he didn’t deserve you in the first place. Whether he’s a total jerk or actually a great guy with whom things just didn’t work out, if he can’t love you the way you deserve, that’s all you need to know. There’s someone out there who’s right for you, but your ex isn’t it.
  2. Time heals all wounds. There’s nothing more heartbreaking than unrequited love, but as crappy as you feel right now, things are going to get better. Despite what you may think, your heart will heal. It just takes time, so don’t rush your healing process. It sounds cliche, but it’s cliche for a reason. You have to give yourself time — that’s the only thing that will help you get over him.
  3. Most women have gone through the same pain. Being in love with an ex isn’t uncommon, so while might feel all alone in the world, you need to know that you’re not. Plenty of other women have been in your shoes, so don’t be afraid to lean on them. Girlfriends are there to help you through the rough patches. You just have to let them.
  4. It’s his loss. That’s what you need to realize more than anything else. The breakup made you lose confidence in yourself, but it’s time to get that sense of self-worth back. You’re hung up on him, but he’s already moved on. You didn’t lose him. He lost you, and the second you realize that, you’ll really start to move on.
  5. There’s nothing wrong with you. The fact that he broke your heart doesn’t mean you weren’t good enough for him. You are not unlovable. You’re a catch and just because he threw you back to the sea doesn’t mean you’re worthless. It just means you’re free for some other man to reel you in.
  6. You just weren’t right for each other. You’re not together because you weren’t meant to be, but guess what? The man of your dreams is still out there. You’re spending so much time thinking of what could have been that you haven’t even thought of the other men that could be. He wasn’t your Prince Charming, but that only means your happy ending is still out there.
  7. He wasn’t your last shot at love. It might feel like he’s the only man you will ever love, but that’s only true if you let it be. You have the power to let go. It’s not going to be easy, but if you ever want to love again then you need to forget your past. The only thing standing in your way of finding love again is you.
  8. You will move on… eventually. It may have been weeks, months, maybe even a year and you feel like that day will never come, but it will. Have you gotten rid of his things? Have you cut contact? You can’t hold on to him in any way, shape or form. You have to completely let him go — that’s how you’ll move on.
  9. Things didn’t work out for a reason. Don’t ever forget that there was a reason you broke up. Those problems don’t just go away. Getting back together wouldn’t solve anything. The truth is, there’s someone better out there for you — you just can’t see that right now because you’re still hung up on the one that got away.
  10. If you want to stop loving him, you have to let go of him. Have you taken any steps to try to move on? If you keep living with one foot in the past, you’ll never make it to your future. You have to stop hoping he’ll come back and start hoping you’ll meet someone new because he’s not your future. He’s your past.
  11. Never be ashamed of your love. You have the ability to love and that’s incredibly beautiful. Being hung up on your ex might suck, but don’t let it be your greatest downfall. You fell in love and it didn’t work out. The fact that it’s taking you longer to get over it just shows how much you cared.
  12. He doesn’t deserve you. He doesn’t deserve another second of your love. That doesn’t mean that at this very second your love will cease to exist, but you still need that idea planted in your head. You still love him because on some level you wish things had worked out. It’s time to find a new wish, though. You had him, and it wasn’t a dream come true, so find a new dream with a new man who deserves a girl like you.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.