If Anyone Can Have You, I Don’t Want You

Even though my standards are high, the same doesn’t seem true for a lot of guys I talk to. I’ve met a ton of men who will date pretty much anyone if it means eliminating their “single” status, and unfortunately, a lot of them have thought that I’d be the ideal person to end their time as lonely bachelors. Sorry, but no matter how cute or charming you are, this is why I flat-out refuse to be with a guy who will date just about anyone:

  1. I want a guy who has standards. I’m just not interested in a guy who settles for just anyone because I’m not just anyone. If you want to be with me, I need to know that you’re choosing me because of who I am, not because you’re lonely and I’m a warm body. I’ve worked a lot to become the person I am today, and I’m not going to date someone who doesn’t appreciate that.
  2. I’m picky, so I’m cautious of anyone who isn’t. My standards were set after years of experiencing first-hand what I did and didn’t want in a relationship. When I meet someone who doesn’t really have high standards, I’m immediately suspicious. I wonder why they haven’t figured out what they want in a relationship yet, and more than anything, I question if they’re going to hold themselves to the same low expectations that they have for the people they date.
  3. I refuse to be the girl you settled for. I’m an achievement, not a consolation prize. I would never want to date someone who just wants me to fill a girlfriend-shaped hole in his life. If I date you, it’s because I want YOU, not because I want any guy I can get because I’m lonely. I would hope that you feel the same way, but if you don’t, feel free to find someone else.
  4. I need to know there’s a reason you want to be with me. Blame it on my low self-esteem, but I do like to make sure the guy I’m dating actually knows why he’s dating me. The fact that I’m female and not a serial killer isn’t really good enough. I’ve worked a lot on loving myself and making my good qualities shine, so I want to be with someone who likes me for who I really am.
  5. I don’t want to have to worry about you finding a shiny new toy. If you’re dating me “just because,” I know I’m going to have to keep an eye out in case you find someone else who is better than “just because.” When you date someone just because you’re lonely, it’s only a matter of time before you start to notice all the other people you could have been with if you’d just waited it out a little longer. I’m not willing to have my heart played with just because you’ll settle for any old girlfriend.
  6. “I want a relationship” isn’t a valid reason for dating me. I refuse to be your “love fix” just because you’ve decided you’re in the mood to stop being single. It’s fine if we come across each other while you’re actively looking for a girlfriend, but there’s no way I’m going to agree to be yours if that’s the only qualifier I need to be romantically involved with you.
  7. People like you are always trouble. Trust me, I’ve come across way too many of them before. The kind of guys who will date anyone are also the kind who tend to copy-paste their subconscious expectations for a girlfriend onto their partners. Then, they get upset when the girl they settled for isn’t actually the girl they’d constructed in their mind, so they try to change her and then inevitably dump her when they realize they can’t. I want no part of that, so I’m steering clear before you even have the chance to pull that crap on me.
  8. If I’m dating you, I know exactly why. Honestly, my best friend has probably received some sort of list detailing everything I like and don’t like about you. Maybe I’m a little crazy about that stuff, but if I’m going to commit to someone, I want to make sure I know exactly why I’m giving up the single life. If I expect you to know why you want us to be together, I’m going to hold myself to that same standard.
  9. If you’ll be with me for any reason, you’ll leave me for any reason. Guys who date women just because they don’t want to be alone will also break up with those women just because they want to be alone. Weak standards breed weak relationships, and I’m not going to put myself in a position that leaves me feeling like I’m walking on thin ice with the guy I’m seeing.
  10. You don’t want me; you just want someone. Everyone deserves to be more than just “someone.” If you’re in a relationship, you should be valued for who you are rather than what you are. I’m so much more than a girlfriend, and I want to be with a guy who values all of me— not just the way I fill the other side of his bed.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu brown belt. She's also a TEFL/TESOL-certified ESL teacher and an equine enthusiast. Originally from Pennsylvania, she lived in Costa Rica for a while before moving to Australia. In addition to her work as a writer and editor for Bolde, she also has bylines with Little Things and regularly writes for Jiu-Jitsu Times.

You can follow Averi on Instagram @bjjaveri or on Twitter under the same handle.