If Your Apartment’s A Mess, I’m Not Going To Date You

I recently had an awesome first date with a guy who’s kind and smart with a great sense of humor. Things went well, so I agreed to go over to his place for our second date. However, when he opened his door to let me in, my jaw dropped. His apartment was an absolute disaster. Even though I liked him, I just couldn’t get past the mess. Here’s why a guy who lives in a pigsty is a dealbreaker:

  1. His outer world reflects his inner world. If I walk into a guy’s apartment and I can’t even see the floor, I’m going to take that as a metaphor for the way he functions in life. I’m not about to get in a relationship with a guy whose “life is a mess right now.” He might appear as though he’s put together but his apartment says it all. He’s a trainwreck.
  2. I would be nagging him constantly if we moved in together. I’m not the type of girl who nags her boyfriend about little things, but if I ever got serious with this guy, I honestly would have no choice. It’s just not okay that there’s black mold growing under the toilet seat! I’d turn into a “controlling girlfriend” and no girl wants a title like that.
  3. I understand people get busy, but there’s no excuse for filth. I’ve had weeks where my pad is an absolute shambles. However, there comes a time when I realize what a mess I’ve made and clean it up all in one go. It also feels really good, like I’ve accomplished a short-term goal. Upon walking into his apartment, it looked like he hadn’t had even the slightest inspiration to clean ever, not even once. He has a part-time job, so he’s definitely not “too busy.” The only explanation would be that he doesn’t give a damn, and that’s kinda concerning.
  4. He might also drop the ball in other areas. Judging by his apartment, he didn’t strike me as very responsible. I would suspect that if we ever dated seriously, he would probably always be late, forget his wallet, or leave the leftovers on the counter overnight. I don’t want to be involved with someone who doesn’t have his act together. We’re not in college anymore.
  5. It shows he doesn’t care about what I think. He should have at least scooped out the litter box before I came over. Maybe he’s going for the “quirky, disheveled artist” vibe, but all I got was a “lazy guy who doesn’t have his life together and is a total slob” vibe. Not feeling it.
  6. He’s living like a teen so he’ll probably act like one too. I’m 27 — I want a guy who at least vacuums once a month. I remember getting nagged by my mom as a teen to make my bed before school and I obviously hated it, as teens usually do, but there was a reason for it that I didn’t appreciate until I matured a bit. I don’t want to date a teenager. He should know by now that leaving dishes in the sink for more than a few hours is a big no-no…
  7. It’s hard to feel sexy when I’m laying on trash. There is no way I’m getting undressed in that pit. I didn’t even know if I could take off my shoes. I know I’m not alone when I say “getting in the mood” as a woman is a delicate process and being surrounded by old take-out containers and cigarette butts is hurting more than helping.
  8. I’m messy but not THAT messy. I’m actually VERY untidy —ask any of my friends. It’s almost comical how messy I am, but this guy takes it to a whole other level. It was completely unbearable to be in his apartment for more than five minutes. I’m pretty lenient when it comes to mess considering my room is a war zone six out of the seven days of the week, but I eventually clean it. His apartment is just over the top and it totally turned me off.
  9. It tells me that he’s a bit of a loose canon. Maybe he’s at a point in his life where he doesn’t really care and that’s cool. Everyone has those phases — hell, I’m just coming out of one myself. The thing is, I don’t want to risk dating someone who thinks a mess of this caliber is okay. Maybe it’s just how he rolls, but I don’t want to be a part of that.
  10. I can deal with untidy; I can’t deal with dirty. The situation is just… gross. The surfaces were literally dirty and that’s 10 times worse than clutter. I mean, it’s a low-key health hazard at this point. I could get toxic mold poisoning or something. Clutter, I can deal with — layers of grime are another story.
  11. I’m a little offended by it. I just can’t believe he didn’t think I was important enough to clean up for. We barely know each other. Didn’t he want a shot at something with me? It was only our second date, after all. Maybe he just wasn’t into it as much as I thought he was…
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.