Are You A Douchebag Magnet? There Might Be A Reason For It

Some people just have the worst luck when it comes to dating, but if you seem to be attracting the worst type of guys no matter how hard you try not to, there might be something you could do to fix it. If you seem to be kissing a lot more frogs than princes, ask yourself if any of these things apply to you:

  1. You’re Not Paying Attention To Their Behavior. Partners who aren’t going to be good in relationships will always give you subtle and some maybe not-so-subtle red flags very early on. Helpful signs to look out for are physical and emotional boundary violations. Ever been hugged for just a second too long? It feels weird, but we’re usually taught not to say anything since doing so wouldn’t be socially appropriate. What your new partner may be doing is testing your boundaries and noting whether or not you say anything. If you don’t respond and set boundaries, they’ll typically continue to violate your boundaries just a bit more the next time. Remember it’ll still be subtle, so don’t override what your instincts are telling you.
  2. You’re Not Paying Attention To Your Gut Feelings. Your gut instinct is everything! If you think about the point of the gut instinct and why it came to be, it makes total sense. Our mind can so easily override our initial instincts and justify these feelings through our thoughts. This means that we’re essentially ignoring some of our most important gut feelings. Our body will go to great lengths to warn us about someone feeling unsafe, even if our mind is telling us otherwise. If a bad gut feeling comes up when you start dating someone, but you’re unsure if you want to dump them, take it as a potential red flag. If a few more of these pop up, it may be time to bail.
  3. You’re Not Fully In Tune With Your Body. Gut instincts are great, but you have to be connected to your body to actually feel them and consciously acknowledge them. If you aren’t in touch with your body, you may also experience difficulty with intimacy and identifying your emotions. This can make you more vulnerable to unsafe partners, as they attract and are drawn to individuals with more open boundaries who often question themselves and their choices.
  4. You Don’t Know What You Want. If you aren’t sure what you’re looking for in a partner, you leave yourself open for someone else to define that for you. This can result in some not-so-nice people slipping through the cracks. These are the people who prefer the notion of dating to their actual partner.
  5. Your Expectations Are Low. If you anticipate dating someone who isn’t up for being in a healthy, equal relationship, you probably will. In this way you create a self-fulfilling prophecy, ensuring that your low standards attract the kind of person who doesn’t go above and beyond to make you happy.
  6. You’re Trying To Resolve An Issue From A Previous Relationship. If you left your last relationship without closure, feeling unresolved and unfinished, you may feel the urge to wrap things up with a similar partner. In this way, your attempt to resolve a previous issue with your past partner is replayed with your new partner. But this probably won’t give you that closure you’re seeking since the original issue with your former partner can never be addressed with your new partner.
  7. You Have A Hard Time With Rejection.  A part of you may have figured it out early that you don’t want to be with this person, but you feel bad, nervous, or guilty about dumping them. This is a common issue that many individuals grapple with when they enter into new relationships. For some, the idea of rejecting someone may lead to feelings of not being well-liked, which can bring up some anxiety.
  8. Your Self Esteem Could Use A Lift. When you find yourself dating the same type of crappy person again and again, it may be time to do some self-reflection. People with low self esteem tend to be more attractive to psychopathic partners. Weird right? In this study, people who scored higher on the psychopathic trait indicator were able to accurately select the most vulnerable victims just based on how they were walking. It turns out many of these victims had already been subject to targeting by psychopaths in the past, and the common thread was low self worth.
  9. You’re Nervous About A Serious Relationship. If you’re not super into the idea of a serious relationship, that’s totally fine, but think about why. What does being in a serious relationship mean to you? For some, there might be nerves about intimacy, being vulnerable, and trusting someone else. For others, the idea of committing just doesn’t feel right. In thinking about your reasons why, you may be able to better understand what motivates you in terms of finding a partner.
  10. You Feel Like You Deserve It. If you feel like you are destined to be with a bad partner, there are some deeper underlying issues that should be further explored. Not feeling good enough or smart enough or pretty enough are notions that typically develop when you’re young. Think about the first time you felt undeserving of something you really wanted. This experience may be able to provide some helpful insight for you as you learn to embrace who you are.
Gabrielle Applebury is a Marriage and Family Therapist intern, with a specialty in working with those who have experienced trauma. Along with her husband, she has adopted three dogs, two cats and two horses. She is a blog contributor for Oh Tiny Heart, BlogPaws, and The OC PTSD Center.