Are You A Commitment-Phobe Or Just Keeping Your Dating Options Open?

Are You A Commitment-Phobe Or Just Keeping Your Dating Options Open? ©iStock/momcilog

Keeping your options open in the dating world has plenty of benefits. You can gain love experience and have fun while you figure out what you really want and need in a partner, which is always a good thing. On the other hand, you’ll have to deal with some serious BS in order to avoid settling into a long-term relationship — because yes, some guys do actually want one. Reluctance to lock things down with one guy doesn’t make you a commitment-phobe, but if you can relate to any of these 15 things, you might actually be one:

  1. You’re always feeling pressured to commit. Why can’t anyone respect your wishes to keep things casual or ease your way in slowly? Maybe your elusive ways make you that much more irresistible? Whatever the reason, you feel pressured into committing to relationships regularly, even when you know it’s not the right decision for you.
  2. You hate agreeing to dates in advance. So many better things could come up before next Saturday.
  3. You don’t like anyone picking you up. You need your car with you at all times in case you’d like to meet up with someone else later.
  4. You have to moderate your social media. You can’t have dudes checking in with you and bragging about you being bae when you both know you have a date with someone else the next night.
  5. You get SO MANY annoying comments about your “biological clock.” You hate that people talk about the possibility of you becoming a spinster if you don’t change your ways and settle down already. What century is this, anyway?
  6. You’re always bailing on “the talk.” You’re a big fan of avoiding the “what are we?” conversation. At this point, you’re basically a pro at changing the subject.
  7. People think you’re cold. So what if you don’t fall in love with every dude that catches feelings for you? That’s not your fault and you’re not required to feel bad about it. You were honest about wanting to keep things casual from the beginning.
  8. Wedding RSVPs are a nightmare. You have to commit to a man AND a meal way in advance? It’s sometimes better to forsake the possibility of getting laid and just invite a friend. At least you know you won’t be bored of them before the wedding rolls around.
  9. You’re running out of excuses to ditch major milestones last minute. You’ve successfully evaded dinner with his parents and his best friend’s engagement party, but he’s only going to believe that your car broke down or you got food poisoning so many times.
  10. You don’t understand why you have to delete your Tinder account. Just because everything is going well doesn’t mean you’re against meeting new people.
  11. Relationship progress gives you anxiety. Everything “going in the right direction” sends your heart rate skyrocketing. You know the commitment ultimatum to inevitable and you’re not looking forward to arguing or ending things.
  12. You get accused of dating like a man. Holy double standards! Just because your one and only dating goal isn’t to walk down the aisle as soon as possible doesn’t make you any less of a woman.
  13. You have to keep your phone hidden in your purse. Because your dates don’t really enjoy seeing sexts from other men you’re seeing, even if they are aware that it’s happening.
  14. You’re always being put on the defensive. You’re always having to justify your choices and explain why you don’t feel the need to settle down with the first shmo that asks you nicely. There’s nothing wrong with keeping your options open, and you’re getting quite tired of defending yourself.
  15. The “S” word. You get called promiscuous and 100 other names. Ignore it and keep doing you, girl. Don’t let anyone criticize you for being an empowered, independent woman.
Holly Harris is a freelance writer, full time student, and mommy to a toddler sass monster. In her (nearly nonexistent) free time, you can find her lifting something heavy in her home gym or chugging vodka sodas with friends. She contributes to several other sites, including Elite Daily.