When you’re in a relationship, you want to feel like you’re number one, and that when it comes to making decisions, planning events, or even simply spending time together, your feelings and opinions are the first thing on your partner’s mind. Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case, and you end up on the back burner more often than not. Being an option rather than a priority can feel pretty crappy. It can chip away at your confidence and make you feel worthless. But how can you tell the difference? Here are a few signs he’s not putting you first.
Most of the time you spend with him happens last minute.
He likes to see what other options he has before he makes any definitive plans with you. This means he’s likely to ask if you want to hang out, only when he knows for sure that there’s nothing else to do.
He wants to know your plans, but still won’t make any with you.
In order to know exactly what his options are, he’ll ask you what your plans are for the evening/weekend and see if you’re free or not. This way, he knows that if all else fails, he has you to turn to.
You’re not the person he takes to big events.
His best friend’s wedding is coming up? If you’re a priority, you’re his +1 without question. If you’re an option, he ends up inviting his sister (or worse, his ex) for some inexplicable reason.
He frequently bails on things that are important to you.
Mostly because that things that are important to you aren’t important to him. He makes excuses about being “busy”, but when you see him posting on Facebook later about playing Call of Duty all night, you start to get the hint.
Unless there’s something he wants, it’ll take him forever to respond to you.
If you happen to be too busy to reply to his text, he’ll give you attitude about it, but it doesn’t work that way when he ignores you.
You’re the one making all the effort.
Do you always text first, initiate plans, and pick him up before you go out? If he doesn’t make any effort at all, you’re likely nothing more than a hook up to him rather than someone they’re thinking about seriously dating.
You make excuses for him constantly.
When friends or family comment on his bad behavior, you find yourself spewing out the same rubbish excuse he gave you. It’s embarrassing, but you don’t want your friends and family thinking that you’re being played for a fool, so you’ll defend him even if you don’t believe what you’re saying.
He accuses you of being crazy when you stand up for yourself.
This is emotional manipulation 101, and a clear indicator that he doesn’t respect how you feel. Calling out bad behavior is important not only for the relationship, but for your own self-worth. Don’t let him make you feel bad about that.
He never remembers anything you tell him.
People remember what’s important to them, and details about your life aren’t super important to him, so he forgets… even if you’ve repeated yourself 20 times.
He makes you unhappy most of the time.
If you’re honest with yourself, are you mostly happy or sad around him? If he meets any of the other criteria on this list, I think the answer to that question will be pretty obvious.
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