Are You A Terrible Lay? How To Tell If You’re Bad In Bed

Sex is complicated, and there are several things that go into determining whether or not a roll in the hay is a positive experience. While you don’t need to be some sex goddess, you do need to make an effort, and no one will flat out tell you that you’re bad in bed until it’s too late. So how can you tell if you need to step up your game? Here are a few signs you’re a less than stellar lay.

  1. You’re a total pillow queen. Yes, it might be easier for your guy to take the lead, but if you make him do all the work all the time, that’s a huge red flag. Switch it up and give him a break from the missionary position every once in a while.
  2. Your routine is predictable. The same positions and scenarios you like are starting to get old. If you can’t remember the last time you did something different, then it’s time to do some research and try something new.
  3. You don’t make a sound in the sack. Not everyone is into dirty talk, but it doesn’t always have to resort to that. If you love the person you’re with, be vocal about your love. If you’re not, then don’t be afraid to give your partner some compliments. Let your partner know you’re into it by voicing your pleasure (or your directions, if he needs a push in the right direction).
  4. Mentally, you’re just not there. Many ladies are guilty of thinking about too many unrelated things in bed. To get the big O, you need to focus on your partner and what you’re doing together. That way, you can get more excited and pick up on things you might have missed if you were still distracted.
  5. You’re selfishly focused on just your pleasure. No one likes feeling used, and making things all about you in bed is a good way to do that. You should make your partner’s pleasure just as much of a priority as your own. Also, if you’re putting too much pressure on your partner to be amazing, he’ll start to shut down and feel like he can’t measure up.
  6. You’re trying to recreate the things you’ve seen in sex online. People tend to forget that online sex is full of actors and therefore they’re just pretending that some things feel good when they really don’t. Instead of copying what they’re doing, go by your instincts and ask what your partner likes.
  7. Your insecurities are holding you back. Being sexy usually comes from feeling confident. If you’re too self-conscious about how your body looks or what he’s thinking about you, it’s going to show during sex. Do things to boost your confidence in order to let go in the bedroom.
  8. The location is off-putting. Sometimes it’s not about what you’re doing, but where you’re doing it. Is your bed actually uncomfortable and hindering you and your man from enjoying yourselves? Are you sick of grabbing a quickie on the living room couch? It might be time to change it up.
  9. You don’t check in to see how he’s doing. Once you get things started, you might assume anything goes and you forget about the other person. Ask your partner if he likes what you’re doing and if he’s into whatever you want to do next. Communication is important in a good sexual encounter.
  10. You try to rush the experience. Quickies could be fun, but if you’re never able to have sex without sticking to a strict time constraint, it’s probably ruining his time with you. If it always seems like you have a better place to be, your guy will start to feel the same way.
  11. You have absolutely no rhythm. Falling into a good rhythm is key to bringing you both to orgasm. If you are constantly throwing your partner off, then it could be frustrating for the both of you.
  12. Sex feels like an obligation to you. If you feel like sex is just something you have to do, chances are you won’t enjoy it, and neither will the other person. An obligation means you probably aren’t putting that much effort to it or having fun.
Nicole Weaver is a staff writer for YourTango and regularly contributes to Hollywood, The Bolde, and Proud2BMe. She is a lover of all things entertainment meaning she spends most of her nights in New York binge watching television shows. Follow her on Twitter at @nikkibernice.