Are You An Ambivert? If You Need These Things In A Relationship, You Probably Are

You don’t fit into the categories of “extrovert” or “introvert” — at least, not totally. You’re an ambivert — a little bit of both — and this means what you need from the people you date is a little bit different. If your heart feels pulled in a million different direction, here’s how to nail down your perfect relationship:

  1. You need a mix of social and alone timeYou’re the type of person who enjoys being social — you can be the life of the party if you’re in the mood — or chilling out at home with a good book and glass of wine. You need a partner who understands that you’re not going to be hitting the clubs every weekend and is happy to just hang out on the couch sometimes, too.
  2. You need someone to value your passions. Sometimes you can be a little quiet, but if someone wants to engage with you, they should know to discuss your passions and interests. This makes your eyes sparkle. If someone dates you but doesn’t value the things you love, then they’re killing your inner fire.
  3. You need spaceYou can’t be social and talkative all the time — that leaves you super drained. You need a partner who understands that you need time and space to just BE every now and then so you can do whatever it is you need to do: think, chill, stare into space, or just curl up in bed and watch TV.
  4. You need a variety of experiences. Since you can’t be pigeon-holed, you want a variety of experiences in your life because you get bored easily. Nothing is more anxiety-causing than a rigid routine, so if someone wants to date you, they have to be open to being a bit spontaneous because you’re going to go with how you feel that day.
  5. You need someone to ask first rather than assuming. There’s nothing worse than being with someone who jumps ahead and assumes that you want to do certain things, like going to the theater or bungee-jumping, because you’ve enjoyed it in the past. You still want to be asked because you might want to do something totally different.
  6. You need someone who sometimes prefers texting. Yes, you love engaging with your boyfriend during a phone call and IRL, but sometimes you just want to communicate from a distance, like via text. You want a boyfriend who understands that sometimes you like being behind a screen if you’re not really feeling all that social.
  7. You need a partner who understands you take your time. It takes you a while to open up and show off your extrovert side, and you want a partner who’s patient with you. There’s no such thing as rushing an ambivert — if you do, you’ll be out on your ass.
  8. You need someone who hates small talk. You need to be with a partner who will have deep, stimulating conversations with you. Nothing turns off an ambivert more than being stuck with small talk. It’s like the most worthless thing ever. Obviously you don’t need to discuss philosophy 24/7, but you do want someone capable of getting real.
  9. You need a partner who’s a decent conversationalist. On the topic of communication, you need someone who shows his love by listening to you. You’ve got a good mix of listening and speaking skills when you communicate, and you want someone who strikes the same balance. If you feel overwhelmed by a non-stop talker, you’ll just shut down and go full introvert on them. If your partner never speaks, you’ll feel the burden of having to keep the conversation going.
  10. You need someone who values give and take. Compromise is important to you in a relationship because it’s about having a healthy balance. You want to be with someone who also values it so that things are fair and both parties are happy. If someone’s only taking from you, you won’t stick around.
  11. You need flexible affection. Sometimes you might be keen for some PDA and other times even hugging in the privacy of your home feels like too much. You need a partner who understands and is okay with the fact that you might not always need the same type or level of affection.
  12. You need someone who understands your moods. Dating you means that you’re really understanding when it comes to people’s moods. You give them the space to express themselves — or not express themselves — and you’re totally fine with what they choose. You won’t be clingy or take offense because you operate in the same way: you fly by the seat of your mood. You need a partner who will give you the same kind of understanding about it so you can feel free to be who you are.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.