Are You A Band-Aid Girlfriend? 11 Signs He’s Using You To Fix His Problems

You might think he really loves you, but are you sure you’re not fooling yourself? Maybe you’re just around because he needs you to solve his problems or boost his ego. If that’s the case, then you’re a band-aid girlfriend and need to get out. Here are 11 signs you’re being used for your ability to help him get his act together.

  1. He’s going through a tough time. When you met him, he described his life as being “difficult right now.” It was clear that he was going through a rough patch. Maybe he was struggling financially or had just left a stressful relationship. Fine, but the patch isn’t over and you’re the one who’s helping him through it. It honestly feels like he’ll never get back on his feet.
  2. He says you’re the only one who understands him. Yeah, it’s sweet for him to say this, but it could be a manipulative tactic. If he’s just using you to rescue him, he might tell you that you’re the only one who understands him or can help him because he wants you to feel like you have to be there for him.
  3. He’s quite clingy. He calls you in the early hours because he needs to vent. He phones you when he knows you’re busy at work because he needs your help with something. If he feels a bit clingy, don’t think he just can’t live without you. No one is that desperate. Besides, how did he manage when you weren’t in his life? Nah, this guy’s taking advantage of your kindness and willingness to be there for him.
  4. He guilt trips you. A guy who’s using you for how you can help him is probably going to guilt you into being there for him. He might get annoyed or sound hurt when you can’t drive across the city to spend the night with him because you have plans with your friend who’s visiting from out of town. Instead of encouraging your independence and life outside of the relationship, he expects you to be available to him 24/7.
  5. He changes when his luck changes. He’s an amazing boyfriend when he’s down in the dumps because he’s kind and loving to you. Then, when his luck takes a turn for the better, suddenly he can go days without talking to you. He seems to forget you when things in his life improve. This is so shady! Clearly he just wants you around when he needs something from you.
  6. He treats you like his therapist. If it feels like he can talk your ear off about his problems and that’s all you guys talk about lately, he’s acting like you’re his psychologist instead of his girlfriend. SMH. Another red flag that he’s just using you is if he never actually gives you a chance to talk for long before interrupting you with his crap.
  7. His reasons for being with you seem suspect. Has he expressed why he wants you in his life? If it often feels like he just wants you around because you can help him become a better person but not because he’s keen on building a future with you, then that shows you where he’s really at. For example, he might say he wants you around because you’re so ambitious, which could be a meal ticket for him if he’s going through a tough time. Likewise, if he’s a recovering addict, he might say he likes you because you’re leading a healthy lifestyle. It’s all about how he can be influenced by you.
  8. He escalates his affection at convenient times. When he needs you to lend him some money so he can make rent this month, he suddenly showers you with love and affection, including a bouquet of your favorite flowers. OTT, much?
  9. He’s selfish in the bedroomIf he doesn’t seem to give a damn about your needs in the bedroom, he’s probably just using you so that he can get the pleasure he’s after. He’s not keen on taking the time to meet you halfway and give you what you need. He’s selfish. It’s all about him.
  10. He’s always got an excuse ready. You’re always there for him, but when you need him he’s nowhere to be found. He always has an excuse for why, or a “valid reason” as he calls it. For example, maybe his car broke down or he never got your texts. How damn convenient! What’s really going on is that he doesn’t care about being there for you. He doesn’t care about you, period.
  11. He’s using you for validation. He might just want you to be with him so that he can feel better about himself. He’s all about his ego! If this is the case, he might only be affectionate when other people are around; he might tell you how beautiful and sexy you are, but never make you feel like he actually knows what you’re about on a deeper level and he might treat you like nothing more than arm candy. Let this a-hole take his ego and get out of your life.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.