Are You Being “Firedoored”? What It Is & How To Avoid It

A relationship should spark a fire and keep you warm, not burn you down. Enter a new dating trend known as “firedooring.” Instead of making you feel loved and creating the good kind of sparks, it’s when the relationship’s going up in smoke but you’re still trying to fan its flames. WTF? Here’s what you need to know about this trend so you stop burning your fingers.

  1. WTF does “firedooring” even mean? You’re probably wondering how this trend got its name. Well, since a fire door is only accessible from one side, you’re being firedoored by a guy if your relationship is totally one-sided. You’re the one who’s always going the extra mile but he doesn’t reciprocate. Jerk.
  2. He’s using you as an emergency exit. He’s only fired up to be with you when it’s convenient for him or it’s an “emergency” like he’s bored or lonely and needs someone. What a loser. Don’t fall for it because that urgency doesn’t last.
  3. You’re hoping for warmth but end up cold AF. The guy knows how to open the door for you when he wants to hear from you or see you. When he does, it’s magic. But see, that’s what keeps you stuck with this loser because he gives you a glimpse of what things with him could be like. Sooner or later, he always shuts the door in your face by keeping you at an emotional distance or getting weird when you suggest moving things up a notch.
  4. You’re banging your head against a wall. When you really need to see him, he’s not available. Same goes for when you text him—he’s AWOL or “busy.” He just doesn’t seem to care or make half as much effort as you do. So frustrating!
  5. You’ve got dating fever but it’s not a good thing. If you’re always in a mad rush to see the guy because he’s so spontaneous (read: so horny) or you’re always throwing your schedule to hell to see him, it’s not fair on you. You’re running circles around him and compromising to be with him. Meanwhile, he’s sitting pretty, looking chilled, and doesn’t even know what compromise means!
  6. Your confidence has become ashes. The worst thing about being firedoored is that it makes your confidence burn down. It sucks to keep giving your time, data, energy, and affection to someone who just doesn’t return it, especially ’cause you start wondering WTF is wrong with you. Oh no.
  7. Firedooring can happen at any time. Firedooring doesn’t just happen in the early stages of dating, though. Sadly, it can even happen in LTRs, like when you’re the doting girlfriend who supports your BF so much, is always willing to compromise, and wants to spend time with him. Meanwhile, he’s lazy and taking you for granted.
  8. How did you end up here? Don’t beat yourself up, but maybe you like a challenge and so you made lots of effort to get the guy only to end up with a guy who doesn’t meet you halfway. Or, you thought you could fix a guy who’s sort of interested in you so that he becomes totally smitten. Yeah, good luck with that. Of course, the main reasons a guy’s firedooring you is that he’s just not interested and he’s stringing you along in the hope of getting what he wants from you.
  9. A guy who likes the chase too much is a firedoor risk. Sometimes there are signs that a guy’s going to firedoor you. A prime example is the guy who likes the chase a little too much. He goes the extra mile for you when he doesn’t even know you, bringing you gifts and acting like he’s fallen head over butt at first sight. But he’s a sprinter, not in it for a marathon—and he’s going to run out on you the minute things start heating up or getting serious!
  10. Your needs are never met. Sticking around with a guy who’s firedooring you means that you’re going to be drained AF because you’re doing all the work to keep the relationship sailing. What the hell for? You’re not even getting what you want from the guy. Instead, you’re stuck feeling dissatisfied all the time.
  11. He won’t change. If he’s firedooring you, he’s not going to change. No matter how much you love him or hope he’ll see the light and step up to your standards, it ain’t gonna happen. Got it? As the quote by author Nadège Richards goes: “Stop setting yourself on fire for people who just stand to watch you burn.” Yes!
  12. Head for the exit. Guys who firedoor you will continue to try to get away with it for as long as they can. Enough is enough! You must take a stand and defend your dating needs and standards. You don’t deserve a guy who meets you halfway—he has to go the whole way or he can GTFO! Yup, it’s time for you to make your way to the nearest exit and lock that door behind you!
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.